Living the real, messy, beautiful and twisted sunshine

Risk is the Road to Reason

2011-12-31T02:57:00.000+08:00

"Today, youwill be afraid to take that leap of faith and you wished you did 2 years ago.But if you will let me, life will unfold itself the way you want it to be. Youwill reach that destination and take a glimpse of that past when you had thatregret, remaining silent while tears fall down your cheeks. For this time, youare speechless and ecstatic at the infinite possibilities that welcomeyou." - 2012

For me, 2011 was a year ofeccentricities, surprises and risks. I made a wish in 2010 and it was surelygranted in the second quarter of the year. I found myself venturing into thatuncertainty without looking back. Surely a bold move, but with that risk came awonderfully unexpected reward - that which I will always treasure.

Just like any year,it also had its ups and downs. From having dilemmas here and there, reunionsand dates with friends, and literallydefying gravity, how can I forget 2011? But that bad fall resulted to a pinchednerve or to be more technical, L5 radiculopathy. I have had back pains formonths but thankfully, therapy does wonders although I may still have clickingjoints at the back. I could only wish this fall has something good to offer me,apart from the so-called lessons that it brings.

I found myselfgrowing and becoming more mature this 2011. There have been so many firsts thisyear, God knows I have overworked myself. In fact, too much work made mequestion my social life, and that one important thing I have yet to clear up.If there is something to be learned this 2011, I guess it would be this:

"Beclear, and make IT clear."

The eccentric partis when things suddenly seem so vague, courage just can't be found. While it is true that "love rewards thebrave", doubt continues to cloud judgment. Honestly, how much is too much? How often does one have to give thatsomeone the benefit of the doubt? How long must one have to wait?

http://moderndesignlife.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/loverewardsthebrave.jpg

So, 2011 may havegiven endless opportunities yet it was unable to supply the answers I badly needed. Or maybe, it's just a matterof balance. That even if the questions haven't been answered [yet], time allowsone to fuel that passion to prepare oneself for a new moment of letting one'sguard down.

But really, I amstill hopeful that everything will be - as it must and should be. I soundteleological but this only happens when clarity isn't within reach, especiallywhen the odds are against having a reasonable explanation for it. After all, why must one seek for answers and explanation when itdoes not have to be answered and explained? This state of uncertaintyproves that there is something more than the mind and deeper than myself. Thereis love.

As a graduate of the natural sciences, I may have been tooengrossed in the idea of seeking for answers but do I really need to now? Is thatall there is for us? I guess not. Yes, the absurdity that happened in 2011 willalways remain unanswered - even in 2012 or until 2015. I just have to trust andfor the first time, rely on that faith.

"Take that leapand endure the pain if you have to. I tell you, faith will make the answers realizable and the reasons knowable, givingyou the clarity you have always wanted." - Risk

Have a crazy andfulfilling 2012! :)

----

“It's not because things are difficult that we dare not venture. It's because we dare not venture that they are difficult.” - Seneca

Unbounded Veracities

2011-12-11T22:51:00.001+08:00

While looking for that old text back in college, I came to see one pile of papers and browsed through them. Let me share with you an old Theo 131 paper of mine (Marriage, Family Life and Human Sexuality Course in Ateneo):
---
The profundity of love can never be encapsulated with words for every mystery that lies beneath its complexity is boundless for words. Different appreciations for various contexts, every individual has his own experience to relate with in attempting to discuss the very essence of love. The attempt to define love is in itself, a mystery that would revolve in a deeper effort to explain one's knowledge that has been attached to many categories of love.

As the years have come and passed, I have become more mature in handling life's ambiguity, coming to understand that the best feelings are those that have no words to describe them. Whenever we feel ecstatic, the overjoyed emotions become vivid from the outside so much so that the need to verbally express it becomes futile. Just in attempting to utter the words "I love you" to one's significant other, we are in our continuous search for words to just convey the message in a tangible manner able to capture emotions complementing it. Metaphors, symbols, and the like often help up define these so-called "feelings" that trigger our moods. True, love should not be misconstrued as a feeling for it is rooted in the decisions that may volitional and not emotional. Love is an intention and an action, so much so that we have the willingness to extend oneself for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth. Indeed, it is not a matter of finding the "right" person because being right for the other may not be right for another, but a matter of being the right person for the one you choose to love.

We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. We love because we find that special happiness that we long and seek to have; we have been called by God to love for He is love and in knowing who He is, we learn who man is.

The world is a vast place that is full of love. We are surrounded by God's creations that continue to remind us of His infinite love for humankind and for the rest of His creatures. Our existence is a reality that love is present; that we are destined to be co-creators of God in living a life of vocation. How we respond to God's challenges becomes our test to reveal His love to others. Just as in choosing to love, how we react to the circumstances is inherently involved in achieving our fullest potential as human beings, and growing to be who we should be for ourselves as well as for the person we choose to love. This spiritual growth is in its essence, an effort to include someone in the core of one's life such that self-love and self-growth becomes fulfilled.

We are all agents of our own actions. What we have shown others may be their foundation of defining our individualistic nature. Just as what Scott Peck said, "The experience of real love has to do with ego boundaries, since it involves an extension of one's limits." There were times when my limits have become overstretched to the point that I had decided on letting go and ending the very sublime experience of being in love but I have come to realize that it has been even stronger because of this transcendence. My limit starts to defy its bounds. I am able to survive even more when I extend my limits to the fullest capacity. This is a choice that has molded me into becoming a better person even more.

Love is when one knows that no matter what is done at the end of the day, you won't change your mind; it is only wanting what's best for that special person.

Copyright 07.12.2007
---
Christmas always reminds me of love. It's funny how I realized what I've written 4 years back is still appropriate in 2011. Advanced Merry Christmas! :)

When Time and Semantics Collide

2011-11-12T05:59:00.001+08:00

Words often fall short and fail to convey the true meaning of our heart's desires, which is why we often feel there's something lacking when we just let words make or break any situation. Actions, more often than not, provide a more accurate way of delivering that message. Yet, ambiguity remains.

It has been a while since I had the time to write here. In fact, this weekend will be one of those extended weekdays for me (as this has always been the case lately) and work just NEVER ENDS but I miss writing. I miss combining words to become thoughts and memories with a little mix of emotions. I miss sharing my ideas apart from writing songs (which I badly want to do now to de-stress) even though only a handful have discovered this site. (I hope)

But going back to words, a recent dilemma made me rethink about the truth - that even if time rarely provides that opportunity to discover the undiscovered, to speak the unspoken, to reach the unreachable, there is still that hint of trying to convey. After all, trying means to hope even if the odds are against it. But then again, what are perfect words for when it's not yet time to say that? Or maybe the idea of time will forever remain vague? Defined, yet unclear? Indeed, a dilemma that's on loop for quite some time now.

So, when exactly is the perfect time? Today? Tomorrow? Maybe more time could prepare me emotionally before things crumble apart but waiting could be forever. And we don't have the luxury of forever. I guess the risk is still not worth taking and it's better left unresolved until the only choice left is to let go.

Now the trouble that comes with waiting and leaving things without trying are two words: What if?

Yes, words can be deceiving and no matter how much we try to capture the essence of that feeling, it never exactly reaches perfection. Like an asymptote, it gets too close to the context yet never entirely depicts it. Maybe that's why music reaches the soul - it's not just the lyrics but the melody that makes the emotions visible. Songs could reach out more than words alone. Nevertheless, for as long as this risk overpowers and clouds the truth, this remains.

I may not know what and how to react just yet but I will definitely think it through.

just what i thought

2011-07-30T23:15:00.000+08:00

Things may have changed but maybe, it'll find its way back.

In time.

Grateful.

2011-05-27T21:14:00.000+08:00

As I entered a new chapter of my life, I have been constantly repeating this simple yet so meaningful word: GRATEFUL.

Perhaps I consider it the best word to describe how I have now reached my current status and how much I love my new endeavor. Indeed, it is a blessing in itself to teach and be taught; to learn and share our knowledge; to love and be loved. I never knew I'd be enjoying the first few weeks of my new career and hopefully, in the many months and years to come. Maybe, just maybe, it will be the most fulfilling and challenging work that I'll ever have (Prior to reaching my ultimate dream, of course).

When it rains, it definitely pours. I cannot stop telling myself how grateful I am to have found new people I now consider friends, old friends who have always been there, and colleagues who welcome me with much enthusiasm. All I know is that right now, everything has worked well for me and I can only hope it continues for the rest of the year.


New Faculty of the Ateneo High School (2011-2012) minutes before our 80's-themed Presentation (photo from Sophie)

Ça y est! :)

moving beyond

2011-04-03T17:37:00.000+08:00

Literally a few minutes ago, I purchased Gabe Bondoc's Spring EP 2011 and it exceeded my expectations. I cannot believe he has grown and improved so much as a musician and person. As I am currently listening to it, I pondered on my own growth, too -- as a person, biologist, and musician.

One year has come and gone and here I am still contemplating on that dream. Changes are now evident, with my sudden career shift as I joined the corporate world and now a part of the working class. This was never how I envisioned myself to be but I had to adapt and recreate myself in order to fully actualize that dream. Now, I still cling to the thought of pursuing further studies, redefining the future plan to a more specific and practical one.

One year has made me realize how different I have become. I have remained good friends with the people who continue to be part of my life after college and also made new connections here and there. One year brought so many new perspectives in my own relationships with my former professors who became my good friends, classmates, colleagues, and family. I am just so blessed and grateful that I can still count on a few people who are willing to support endlessly. Some people may leave but there are just those who remain true, close and special.

I love supporting independent artists as I am one myself, especially when there's hard work involved. Definitely an extended amount of time and effort was needed to produce this album! Gabe remains to be one of my biggest inspirations to pursue my music whenever time lets me. So, please support if you're into the acoustic/singer-songwriter genre. Artists like him need to be recognized even more than those who are currently in the mainstream because he really has the talent and drive to entertain and touch people's lives through music. I hope I can do the same, too.

There are so many things I want to do but it seems that time can never be enough. I'll start with those baby steps, prepare for even greater heights and pursue that new path, hopefully continuing my music on the side. It won't be an easy road ahead but it will be worth it.

I've got miles to go before I get there,
But I will get there, I know. - Lion by Gabe Bondoc

broken road

2011-03-07T01:00:00.003+08:00

It's been days since I revived my love for this song by Rascal Flatts entitled Bless the Broken Road not because it has a beautiful melody but the lyrics, oh they just speak right through the heart. Now the repeat button has been overly used. :)

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you, but maybe I should start becoming aware that a certain Higher Being has all the reasons why things happen, why I've stuck to this belief that all will be well. As the song says, "It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true". Mais je souhaite que tu sais quoi et comment important tu es pour moi; et j'espère que tu es toujours là avec moi quand je réalise mes rêves.

I'm not a fan of country music/bands but this song clearly is an exception. Alas, a new inspiration for my own song.

Someday

2011-02-14T01:36:00.006+08:00

Merriam-Webster's Definition:

some·day \ˈsəm-ˌdā\

adv.

at some future time

Such a simple word yet so many beautiful meanings and implications arise from it, at least for me.

Possibility

Even though it cannot happen yet, we remain open to the possibility that someday, it will. Someday, we will make it happen. Time allows us to mature ergo, what is absent now can be made present soon. Someday.

Waiting

Because we know there is that possibility, we become patient so much so that we are willing to wait. Waiting is difficult especially when one does not know what he's waiting for. However, it is in this act that allows us to cross the lines - to transcend and overcome our limits. Because even if we know we will suffer and get tired of it, we hold on to that possibility and to the chance that someday, we can obtain our heart's desires. Someday.

Hoping

Hope here is never treated only in a diluted sense where we expect our wishes to come true and believe these would happen. It is not something like optimism that expects results in the end but rather, it never demands/provokes/dares anything.

Hope can only be possible when despair is evident. It is despair when one waits for the unknown thus, we begin to embrace patience and in so doing, we hope. Because there is no insistence, real hope relies on the faith of it happening someday. In the passage of time, I hope things will be better. Someday.

Promise

Though uncertain and indefinite, someday somehow connotes a promise that it can/will be. With the waiting and hoping, a promise forms from the possibilities that time offers. Time gives us that sense of fulfilling something we haven't done in the past and so we have that unsaid promise. Promises exist because of our understanding of the future. As such, someday provides that sense of letting everything be in its own time. In saying "Someday", I have opened myself to having faith and hoping (refer to the description above) in my promise, fulfilled or not.

---

Someday

If there's one thing I regret

Since the day that we met

I've never been truly honest

Feelings were kept hidden

Words were left unspoken

That I've already fallen

Refrain:

but will it still work out

knowing you're gone now?

I'll make a new plan

take the chance

Chorus:

Someday, we'll have the courage

To say those 3 words

Truth should be told

Someday, we'll fight for what's right

To stay with each other

Be together forever

someday

If there's one thing I know

There's still that tomorrow

To try again and mend what's broken

Cherish those memories

Create our destinies

Yes, love's full of mysteries

(refrain then chorus)

Bridge:

I'm tired of hiding and waiting

Let's make today the beginning

Of something worth lasting

Coz if truth be told right now

I love you's not enough somehow….

I never wrote this song with all these in mind. In fact, I'm quite surprised I captured love with just one word: Someday. While writing, I just remembered this certain someone who remains to be an inspiration and voila, the song came to be.

So, to you, who made this song possible: Thank You. Happy Valentine's Day.

----

Feel free to download it on my Soundclick page sometime in the afternoon. :) (For some reason, I can't upload the song right now.)

striving for positivity

2011-02-13T13:26:00.007+08:00

It was February 10, 2011, Thursday. I have been made into a new person, where positivity seems lost into oblivion.

It will take some time for me to repair what got lost and what he crushed. It breaks my heart to do this but for now, this seems to be the best way to cope and heal. Let's not rush and be impulsive to these changes. I will slowly adapt and learn to accept that it's just how you deal with your emotions and I can't do anything about it. No matter how much I try to erase the moment in my head, I just can't. It pains me to be so negative towards you but I can't help it - this is how I deal with mine.

Life is too short to be taken for granted and to dwell on the bad experiences but for us to appreciate it even better, it's a must that we learn to embrace the bad to see the good and learn from it.

I will seriously fight the negativity but for now, only time will tell. Let it be.

All is not lost for hope remains. All the time.

Date a Girl Who Reads

2011-02-07T20:37:00.017+08:00

This post seems to be spreading lately and I felt the need to re-post it as well, perhaps because I am that girl who chooses books over clothes; I am that girl who'd enjoy Friday nights at home with a cup of coffee and a sci-fi/medical thriller book instead of partying at clubs and whatnot. I am that girl who prefers brains more than anything.

Got this from Ayeth's blog.

Date A Girl Who Reads by Rosemarie Urquico

(In Response to Charles Warnke's You Should Date An Illiterate Girl.)

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.

----
I'd love to write something like this one of these days - "Date a Guy Who Reads". Maybe, maybe not. But probably soon.

treasured trash

2011-01-19T00:12:00.005+08:00

Unknown numbers that call and not respond to text messages whenever asked who they are might be perceived as some prank caller or stalker. Now the former, I can ignore; the latter, I CANNOT STAND. I cannot not think about them because I know that in a way, they would really act and do something MORE than just stalking. I do not understand why but believe me, I have been through that creepy experience to really know.

Someone called me earlier twice and ignored my reply and calls when I tried to ask his/her identity. So when I arrived home, I then checked my old phone for that number but still got no idea. Good thing it made me open my old phone and browse through those old messages, especially these:

It's hard to wait for someone who has no plan to arrive; hard to understand someone who never explains. But it's harder to live without that someone who makes hard things worthy.

Love for the sake of love without anything in return? Ideal. But can we really expect ourselves to feel this way? Act, yes; but feel? Maybe not. I believe love is giving a big part of yourself, and in the process, you find yourself needing some of it back.

I still kept those quotes after all these years and wow, they still have that effect. How cheesy, but I must admit they're actually making sense. :))

Thanks to that unknown caller, I got to read and reminisce on the good ol' days and still relate it to the now. Ideas/blessings do come in many forms of disguises.

Good night!

Contentment

2010-12-25T02:58:00.006+08:00

Today is Christmas, and one realization hit me:

Christmas is better when you were a kid.

As I saw my younger cousin open gifts (usually, I was the kid whom everyone loved to fool about Santa and all those gimmicks about Christmas) and jump every now and then when there's a new shirt, toy, and set of chocolates, it dawned on me that I was way past that phase of enjoying this event. Damn, I am old.

I used to defend my beliefs about Santa to my cousins and friends - how I always received my toy trains, Harry Potter collectibles, Ruffles, Lays, Toblerone, and more chocolates and goodies that I have always wished for. But now that we've all grown up, we have stopped putting up stockings and letters on the Christmas tree and just laugh that old thought away. Santa was back to being the myth it has always been.

Although this may be reality, we may never be able to appreciate Christmas in just this sense--how we see Santa and used to believe in him. Santa, as what my dad tells me, is this spirit of giving that remains with us whenever this time of the year comes. Kids would enjoy this celebration all the more because of that belief and how we keep writing that wishlist in hopes of someone making those wishes come true. That's why we never let their hopes down, that Santa isn't real. Santa will remain real for as long as you believe there's someone out there who will continue to give us hope.

I may no longer be a kid but I will remain a kid at heart, content with the belief that Santa remains true in the spirit of giving, being grateful for friends, family, and all the other blessings that came our way. For that, Christmas remains alive.

Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday to the Christ that God gave us. :)

Next?

2010-11-17T22:02:00.008+08:00

If there is one thing that makes work worthwhile amidst the monotonous research, analysis and eye strains, it would be the pressure that builds up within me. I've loved pressure even before I knew it existed, especially when the panic attacks I thought were crazy proved to be helpful in becoming even better in my past endeavors.

Today, I have once again proven that I indeed thrive under pressure. It's as if my neurons work faster (thanks to the stress) when there's a time limit. I remember back in College, I procrastinated simply for the rush that I've felt when doing a project or writing papers. But that rarely happened. I wasn't that confident enough that I could handle stress quite well so I became more of an obsessive-compulsive (commonly known as OC) with schedules and planners. However, today made me realize how I can really focus especially when it's somewhat a make or break situation. Nothing ever beats the pressure one imposes upon oneself just to prove that we can grow, improve, and evolve.

So lately, I have been thinking about our projects at work and how they never seem to end. I'm glad for all the productivity and responsibility given to me, but I would be a hypocrite if I didn't admit how I have been pondering on the future. Don't get me wrong, I am all for the living-in-the-moment, seizing-the-day idea, but I could not also ignore the idea of thinking forward, perhaps a few months and years from now.

Whether it concerns pursuing further studies, building a stable and enjoyable career, helping our families and our country, or simply planning on having our own family -- it all boils down to that question: WHAT COMES NEXT? I'm afraid I wouldn't want to focus only on my career and neglect the chances of having my own family, or vice-versa. These thoughts were triggered by my former professor who recently texted me to catch up and surprised me by saying, "Let me know when you get married." Now THAT'S a thought I never even bothered thinking about just yet! :))

Of course, that remains a mystery. My priorities remain the same, but I'd love to rehash my future plans as soon as I'm done fulfilling my basic needs. I have yet to reach the next chapter of my life. Heck, I'm just getting started!

It's the pressure we put on ourselves that's the hardest to bear - the pressure to be better than we are, the pressure to be better than we can be. It just builds and builds and builds.

- Grey's S07E08

hold that thought

2010-08-30T21:24:00.004+08:00

Lily: You can't design your life like a building, it doesn't work that way. You just have to live it and it'll design itself.

Ted: So what, I should just do nothing?

Lily: No, listen to what the world is telling you to do, and take the leap.

--How I Met Your Mother S04E24

---

Working wasn't the "plan" after graduation. In fact, I have always dreamed and planned to become a neurosurgeon, grow old doing medical research and saving lives. Unfortunately, some plans never turn out perfectly. Maybe we just have to be more flexible to what life offers us. Be more open to the possibility of exploring, start anew and "take the leap".

Let's see where this new tide takes me. I always believe change is good, oftentimes for the better. I guess I just have to put the so-called 'dream' on hold and wish for time to let me pursue it soon.

Soon. :)

[temporary] ceasefire.

2010-08-07T21:49:00.005+08:00

Push.

2010-07-27T23:45:00.006+08:00

Life will test your capacity to adapt before advancing you... so, if you're doing all you can, and the road still gets rough, you're going the right way. Push.

- Gabe Bondoc

the inevitable fall

2010-06-02T01:21:00.004+08:00

"We're all struggling to stay upright. Resisting the pull of temptation, just as we fight the pull of gravity. And when we finally fall, it's always such a surprise"

-Tess Gerritsen, The Sinner (2003)

finding that adrenalin back

2010-05-09T01:40:00.008+08:00

It's been a while since i last wrote something here. Life just happened, and i am currently enjoying/getting used to a new chapter i call Reality.

With college now gone, everything's bound to be uncertain. No more routines, graded homeworks, and concrete motivation-- freedom is definitely at hand. Yes, I love having this unlimited free time in my hands, reading those books i've always wanted to read (not those biology text books, photocopied philo readings, etc), play the guitar, piano and take time to write some new music. Everything just seems to be spontaneous.

But i know this kind of lifestyle should only be temporary. Even though a break from all those 5 years of studying is what i truly need, at some point, i must find that exact reason to become inspired. Don't get me wrong, I am inspired, but just in a different way. I miss having that drive to push my limits further. And yes, I love competitions. healthy competitions. :)

I'm not rushing into anything. Maybe i'm still searching for that one good reason when i'll be able to go back and be the competitive me again. I'm still enjoying this well-deserved rest but when the time comes that boredom strikes, i guess i should have already found that reason.

On another note, the latest Grey's Anatomy episode was amazing. Remarkable and unbelievable prosthetics. I sometimes see myself as Cristina Yang, being too driven and unable to express her feelings, except for extreme cases that rarely happen. Of course, it really means a lot to have someone who can be there for you. just be there.

"No matter how thick-skinned we try to be, there are millions of electrifying nerve endings in there -- open and exposed and feeling way too much. Try as we might to keep from feeling pain, sometimes it's just unavoidable. Sometimes, that's the only thing left. Just dealing."

Just dealing. and hopefully, moving forward.

and it finally ends

2009-12-31T22:07:00.001+08:00

2009. Some year this was.

Too many disappointments, yet i remain hopeful.

Too many changes, yet i remain strong.

Too many trials, yet i remain courageous.

Too many fights, yet i remain positive.

Too many disasters, yet i remain blessed.

It was a tough year for me and my family. Losing one of the most important people in my life (my grandma) this year made the holidays sad for us and i know this grief never ends, yet I know time will come when we can finally accept it and just learn how to live with it.

Despite the dark and trying times, I still have a lot of reasons to be thankful for. New and old friends, stronger ties, and new lessons learned made me wiser and even a better person that I was before.

Thank you to everyone who were part of my 2009. Happy New Year and may 2010 be the best year to fulfill the dreams and goals that were once forgotten in this dark 2009! :)

Question to confirm? or Confirm to question?

2009-10-25T05:39:00.004+08:00

When we're headed toward an outcome that's too horrible to face, that's when we go looking for a second opinion. Sometimes, the answer we get just confirms our worst fears… but sometimes, it can shed new light on the problem, make you see it in a whole new way. After all the opinions have been heard, and every point of view has been considered, you finally find what you're after--the truth.

The newest episode of Grey's was just what I needed after yesterday. Different perspectives really help in knowing what we're supposed to do especially when we think what's ahead of us isn't just a nice walk in the park. I just had that feeling, hoping things were alright and even becoming great, yet it was such a surprise to actually be surprised. Sometimes, it's better to say something bad than give no reaction at all because what's even worse than that pain is not knowing what the real deal is. Not knowing what exactly is going on.

But the truth isn't where it ends. That's just where you begin again… with a whole new set of questions.

Now, where do we go from here? This might be a long journey ahead.

a whirlwind of downfall

2009-09-06T17:12:00.004+08:00

August became one hell of a month for me, academically and emotionally speaking as things became too complicated. Changes were apparent and the "natural flow" was disturbed. I can't even imagine I have survived the stress and still remained calm for more surprises in store for my family and I.

Just as I thought everything's getting better (at least for some aspects), life couldn't get any more tiring than this.

Nagkasabay-sabay lang talaga lahat.

My grandmother's been in and out of the hospital since January and she already had 3 strokes or so. When we visited her last summer, I tried so hard to reach that realization that it's time to accept whatever happens. Death is inevitable, especially with her old age. Our bodies begin to deteriorate and some systems now start to "malfunction". Still, I remain hopeful and supportive for the whole family.

But yesterday, during her birthday, she had another seizure attack and eventually led to more complications that needed intubation. Blood pressure was very low and even her hemoglobin count. In other words, her body's almost giving up.. I know her soul's fighting for life and more time to recover because she has always been a strong-willed woman; I just can't help but feel so helpless for her especially now that I couldn't be there.

She's now fighting for her life, holding on to whatever she still has. I'm doing the same thing--I just don't know how long I can last. I guess Life has its way of teaching us its lessons THE HARD WAY.

Thank you to those who have been very supportive to me and my family. Even the simplest ways of being there and asking how things are mean a lot. I am blessed to have more than what I can have with friends like you.

In these hard times, it is best to keep on keeping on, allowing ourselves to hope and give faith a chance. I just might be lucky and my [our] prayers will be heard.

telos

2009-07-26T02:28:00.004+08:00

Things have fallen into place lately, including the emotions that were scattered all over.

I normally don't dwell on certain things for a long time. I hate waiting and all the other things that require patience.

But i do think I've somewhat changed, if only for that part. :)
-----

I'm listening to Ben Deignan's cover of Beauty of Who You Are for 3 straight days now and I still can't get enough of it. Perhaps it's the jazzy/soulful vibe to it combined with the poetic lyrics.

you're a sweet little mystery sent from the stars
and that's the beauty of who you are

A mystery will unfold by itself, without being forced to. I don't know when, but I know it will come. Soon. :)

The First of the Last

2009-06-14T23:14:00.003+08:00

Most, if not all consider their "firsts" and "lasts" special because of its mere importance. We become ecstatic for our first day in class, first car, first paycheck, first love, among others. We even feel nostalgic when we think about our last day in school, last requirement, last reunion, and the most obvious, the last day of the year (with New Year's Eve as a perfect example). Even for trivial reasons, the First and Last parts of an essay are what makes it interesting.

Tomorrow will be the first day of my last year as a College student. Tomorrow will also be the first time that I'll be going to school without my closest friends; not that I don't treasure my other friends... it's just different. Nonetheless, I'm glad to have my fellow Fifth years and other friends to make things less stressful.

Tomorrow marks the beginning of change. I know it will be the same stress, requirements and deadlines but it's a different journey now. And when I look back, this last year will certainly stand out with all the new things and experiences to look forward to.

I just hope for the best. I can't wait.

stranded?

2009-05-23T04:57:00.005+08:00

Did you say it?

I love you. I don't ever want to live without you. You changed my life.

Did you say it?
Make a plan. Set a goal. Work toward it. But every now and then, look around... drink it in...

Because this is it..

It might be all gone tomorrow.

--Meredith, Grey's Anatomy Season 5 Finale

Maybe there are still hesitations because we know that deep inside, when we say it eventually, things will have to change. It might be for the better, but it's the fear of the unknown that keeps us from revealing our true emotions. Or maybe, we keep on hesitating because of that "time" we think we still have; that we continue being stranded in this isolation due to the fear of rejection and that having to deal with all these is the ridiculous pain we can't even call pain.

But the other end of the spectrum tells us we may have to deal with the fear of Regret if we keep on waiting for the right time. Too bad both ends have to include fear in the equation.

It all comes down to choosing the lesser evil and hoping that it's THE decision.

As for me, i'd rather wait and see where this tide leads me. Not that i won't decide, i'll just have to weigh my options first.

it's all in the mind

2009-04-29T05:33:00.002+08:00

You are the master of your life, and the Universe is answering your every command. Don't become mesmerized by the pictures that have appeared if they are not what you want. Take responsibility for them, make light of them if you can, and let them go. Then think new thoughts of what you want, feel them, and be grateful that it is done.
--The Secret

yes, it's all in the mind.

hopeful attempt

2009-04-28T04:29:00.003+08:00

Changes do come for the better and also when you least expect it to happen.

I've been reading The Secret the other day and I'm still trying to believe that positive thinking does indeed help one achieve his dreams or to say realistically, goals. It's great having to lessen our fear and anxiety about what's to happen in the future or having our prayers and wishes answered by the Lord.

When it comes to believing and having faith, my life is a perfect example of a rollercoaster ride. I was born and raised as a Catholic, with a religious family and a Catholic education. It was when I reached high school that I started missing the Sunday masses because of seemingly more important things i.e. my academics or anything school-related. Reaching college was both better and worse as years went by. At first, I attended those masses held in the chapel and would even go there whenever i needed peace and quiet. Not that the library isn't peaceful enough; it was the chapel where i found inner peace.

But things changed. I was too busy for all these and for the rest of those religious 'requirements' that were too much for me. Theology was the only avenue where I could talk to Him (although i must admit hating the subject for i didn't even know why it takes more of my time than my majors) and before i went to bed. At least this tradition of praying before sleeping never got lost within me.

And when Philosophy came specifically the Philosophy of Religion, it was one of those interesting subjects i valued and actually enjoyed studying probably because this was the most accessible way for me to understand the Divine better. Don't get me wrong--I do believe there's a God but I just don't get if He truly exists or if he's just an illusion people make to rationalize their lives and the problems they have. So this subject allowed me to question his existence (unlike Theology where it's already a given) and that somewhat gave me a sense of clarity.

The most memorable topic from that subject was about Marcel's Hope. Hope is one of those misunderstood words or worse, overused ones that may be an understatement to what it really is. My grandmother's condition is now unpredictable after having a stroke and now, pneumonia. She's in the ICU and all I can do is Hope. I can contribute with the researches whether to have the tracheotomy or not and after that, I am left to being patient and hopeful.

Hope is operative within the context of time hence, the need for patience. It's true that when we don't have any other option/way to save someone from being a captive of their illness, it's when we come to Him and at least try to pray for a better change. And with this patience comes the need to wait but my attempt to divert my mind from thinking about her condition is futile. I have read books, played the guitar and piano, surfed the net and talked to my friends but nothing changed. All the more that my passion for medicine is pushed to a higher level that I can't wait to become a doctor and do what I can to help; so i can finally not feel helpless about this family problem.

My passion has never faded but reality bites. Why does this have to happen now and not when I'm already a surgeon? I terribly miss my lola. I miss her support and eagerness whenever I have a story to tell her or just updates that I've seen this special person and spent time with him. I miss the lola who was just there when I needed her and when my parents were mad at me. Now she can't even talk or move. What's worse, chasing her breath so she can live? This is too much.

But hope is only possible when there is despair. Perhaps it's one of God's tests... for the family members to be closer with each other and for all of us to keep the faith.. To be strong for our beloved grandmother.

I'll give that positive thinking a try. Who knows, it may just be the solution we've been waiting for.

the bigger picture

2009-01-25T00:33:00.007+08:00

In the middle of all the science-related work, 3 labreps for Wednesday and a thesis extended abstract due on Monday, I resorted to watching the new Grey's Anatomy episode right after it finished downloading and definitely, time was not wasted. Not at all.

Back in the previous entry about having said that i've sensed something's missing lately and with it comes this uncertainty of sorts, I now come to see a bigger picture of what's out there. What I should hope for.

The episode started with Jeffrey Dean Morgan narrating (one of my favorite characters in the show) about the reality of heaven and hell:

Denny: I believe in heaven; I also believe in hell. I've never seen either but I believe they exist. They have to exist because without a heaven, without a hell-- we're all just heading for limbo.

With all its issues scattered and unfinished, it has been one of those shows that you can't wait to see what happens next and true enough, every scene made me ask for more.. Every love story had their defining moments showing how they have realized their mistakes, the truth, and change that leads to maturity.

The ending was the best. I feel for Meredith and I love the moment Derek stood waiting and comforted her up to the point when he seemed helpless and asked for Cristina's help. He's one of those guys who'd run the risk proving how willing he is to hold on and protect their future. :)

Heaven, hell, limbo. No one really knows where we're going or what's waiting for us when we get there. But the one thing we can say for sure with absolute certainty, it's the drama moments that take us to another place: moments of heaven on earth. And maybe for now, that's all we need to know.

There are only a few shows and movies that make me feel like this: teary-eyed and moved. It's not the ordinary goosebumps, it's one of those moments of heaven on earth... just when i have realized the bigger picture.

je ne sais pas

2009-01-23T13:14:00.002+08:00

Where shall I even start?

With all the productivity for thesis (the rush for more data, editing our paper, and more specimens to prepare for the SEM forum on Sat), Aegis (several meetings and scheduled photoshoots here and there, updates, revisions for the blueprint pages, etc) acads (completion of requirements, good grades and then some), job fair and even family matters,

there's definitely something missing. I might seem to neglect something because of the overwhelming schedule and obligations to fulfill but i'm quite certain there should be something more.

I'm left with the uncertainty but I remain optimistic and hopeful on what lies in the coming weeks and few months left for my main project (the yearbook); and of course, thrilled for my batchmates and friends who are about to enter a new realm that awaits them in their respective careers.

As for me, i don't know. I'd rather wait and see. :)

Ægis Bulletin No. 2

2009-01-18T09:22:00.005+08:00

Issue No. 2

Contact Details

The Ateneo Aegis 2009 Editorial Board, in consultation with the admin, will not be including the seniors' contact details in the yearbook anymore for privacy and security reasons.

Grad Pic Distribution

The distribution of graduation pictures will be on January 26-30 (Monday – Friday) at the Colayco Pavilion (Lower Part), from 8:00am to 4:30 pm.

Photo package balance and refunds for the Creative shot winners should be settled on the venue upon claiming your grad pictures.

Please bring your receipts.

Yearbook

You may still purchase a yearbook until February 2009 in case you were not able to during the registration period.

Get an order form from the Aegis Room (MVP 207)
Fill up the form with the necessary information
Pay the cashier

iYearbook

The Interactive Yearbook is a collection of poems, articles, videos, movie clips, music, photos and art works that encapsulate the four years you've spent at the Ateneo. ALL SENIORS are invited to share their photo, video, music or literary works with the whole batch by contributing to the content of the Interactive Yearbook (iYearbook).

File formats accepted

Photo (photography and art works) - JPEG (.jpg/.jpeg)
Video (documentaries, movie clips, etc.) - MPEG (.mpg/.mpeg) or SWF (.swf)
Literary (poems, short stories, articles, letters, etc.) - RTF (.rtf) or DOC (.doc)
Music - MP3 (.mp3)

Submission format

Save your submission/s in a CD. Label your CD by writing your name (or group name for group submissions) and content type of your submission (i.e., Photo, Video, Literary, or Music) on the CD. Do not compress your submission/s into an archive (.zip/.rar). Team Ægis will not edit/revise your submission, so make sure that whatever you submit has been finalized already.
In your CD, include an RTF or DOC file containing your name, contact information, and the title and short description (maximum of 7 sentences) of your submission. For multiple submissions (e.g., photos and literary works), please make sure that each submission has its own title and description.

How to submit

Submission is from January 19 to February 7, from 9:00am-4:30pm (weekdays) or 9:00am-12:00nn(weekends)
Drop your CDs in the designated boxes inside the Ægis room (MVP 207). For individual submissions: place your CD in the box labeled Individual Submissions.For group submissions: place your CD in the box labeled Group Submissions.

The deadline of submissions for the iYearbook is on February 7, 2009 (Saturday) at 12:00nn.

Visit the Aegis Website (http://aegis09.ateneo.edu) regularly for important announcements and updates

Brought to you by The Ateneo ÆGIS 2009 TEAM

Christmas thought

2008-12-23T14:39:00.002+08:00

These past few weeks have been too busy for me. Aegis work has taken its toll...well, at least NOW.

It's almost Christmas but i'm still on Work mode until God knows when... probably after i've finished this re-checking and editing. But while listening to some Christmas songs to lighten the mood, a certain line from "A Perfect Christmas" made me stop ergo, write this blog. :)

"simple pleasures are made special too, when they're shared with you."

It's not just that line that made me pause, look back and rest. It's how i realized that with whatever occasion, it is more important whom you spend it with than how and where you celebrate the true meaning of Christmas.

I am missing other people in my life. You know who you are and i hope i'd be able to spend the holidays with you too, but my hectic schedule won't let me.

i'll see you next year. :) Happy Holidays and all the best for a better year ahead!

note: this blogpost is merely my way of taking a break from the eye strain after all the editing of the databases before the final revisions/printing. It's about time to update this blog, anyway. ;)

Thank You

2008-11-21T21:00:00.003+08:00

On behalf of the Editorial Board of the 2009 Ateneo Aegis, I would like to extend my gratitude to every Senior who participated in the Batch Pictorial. I am THANKFUL for the turn-out of students who came and wore their desired Aegis Color. It was unexpectedly many.

Many thanks & i hope everyone had fun in one way or another!

Let's! :)

Sassy Guerrero
Editor-in-Chief, The 2009 Ateneo Aegis

SENIORS' BATCH PICTORIAL ON NOV. 21

2008-11-14T12:28:00.001+08:00

somebody get me the number to Webster right now

2008-08-14T19:16:00.000+08:00

THIS EXTREME ELATION is a pabaon of sorts for my immersion and the long break. I can't seem to find the right words to describe this emotion.

but still, happiness is all over the place tonight.

and will continue lasting until the next "pabaon" comes. :))

happy happy happy :) :)

Attention: Seniors!

2008-07-05T23:42:00.003+08:00

You may click the photos for a clearer image.

ASLA 7!!

2008-07-04T18:53:00.000+08:00

Apply for ASLA in just 3 easy steps!

1) Get a copy of the application form.
2) Accomplish the requirements and place them inside a short brown envelope.
3) Submit your envelope in the ASLA dropbox in the Sanggu Room from June 30 - July 11 or visit us in the Doghouse from July 14 - 18.

Application forms are available here!

www.aslaonline.net
promoboard at EDSAwalk
ASLA alumni
Org Presidents
Email blasts
Sanggu Room-MVP

Be the change. Submit now!

This is Ateneo Student Leaders Assembly.
Creating Ripples of Change.

--
Secretariat and Alumni Relations Team
Ateneo Student Leaders Assembly
asla.secretariat@ gmail.com
http://www.aslaonli ne.net

Attachment: Batch7_appform.pdf

Join Team Aegis 2009! Get up and Go!

2008-06-14T04:27:00.000+08:00

Join Team Aegis 2009.

GET UP AND GO!

Application forms are available at

Promo Board 15.

All year levels can join.

Please sign-up for an interview slot after.

Join Team Aegis 2009! Get up and Go!

2008-06-02T18:05:00.000+08:00

Application Forms will be handed out at the ID Validation area inKostka 202.

For concerns and inquiries, email us atateneoaegis09@gmail.com

fries and ice cream

2008-05-28T18:26:00.000+08:00

i am so happy for the outcome. alam nyo [fab 4] kung bakit.

you'll expect more than the fries and ice cream, more laughter and good times, among others.. if this happens again.

hopefully for the remaining semesters and college days. i'm crossing my fingers.

i love you, guys. :) huuuuuuuuug!

progression

2008-05-22T06:08:00.001+08:00

DAVID COOK WINS AMERICAN IDOL 2008.

He has been one of the most influential singers to me and i bet i couldn't have survived the last 2 weeks of summer sem if it weren't for his songs and consistent performances. Talk about pure, captivating talent.

I must admit, i'm not fond of rock music but David Cook brought the flavor i've never thought of before. He wasn't that good when he started in the competition, but the progression was definitely unbelievable. As what he had said last night, "i see this [the contest] as a progression." and that's what makes everything that he had performed so special to me. Fourth year summer sem is almost over [just one more proj and paper for submission] and i cannot believe how i have progressed much in terms of maturity, focus and determination.

Thesis proposal oral defense was even better than i have expected. I am so happy and blessed to have chosen the right adviser and topic for this. Happiness and contentment is more than enough to explain everything that i've experienced this summer for thesis. Here's to hoping more improvements and progression for the group and especially for the study.

Aegis EB has finally met as a whole group last night. I must say this will be one of my closest families in college. Fun spells the work that we put here and even though we may be very very busy for the whole year, i am pretty much sure that things will be optimistically better than the previous years. After all, it's the 150th year of the Ateneo. I'm crossing my fingers. :)

David Cook is my Idol. Not only has he inspired me to do better in acads and org life, i have learned to appreciate a new genre of music that motivates me to become a better person. He is definitely worthy of this blog and recognition [even if he won't be able to read this hahaha].

Happy days are here again, with regcom [fab 4!!] fast approaching and more Aegis and Thesis.

There's definitely no stopping now.

two opposing views

2008-02-10T10:45:00.000+08:00

travel bags... or firecrackers?

alternate realities and sunday mornings.let things happen spontaneously. :)

but thanks for that last night ;)

REGCOM '08: We Cue the Shots :)

2008-02-09T14:51:00.000+08:00

REGCOM is looking for interested incoming JUNIOR and SENIOR
applicants.

Sign ups are on February 11 to 16.

Interviews will be held on February 18 to 23, 9:00 am to 5:00 pm at Dela Costa Consultation Room 6.

Walk-in applicants are welcome but will not be prioritized.

Sign up and see more details at the RegCom Board, Kostka Extension, near Libwalk.

i love....

2008-01-24T14:53:00.000+08:00

from popo who got it from max

2008-01-20T19:58:00.000+08:00

Med specialty aptitude test

Rank	Specialty	Score
1	thoracic surgery	46
2	plastic surgery	46
3	occupational med	45
4	pathology	45
5	physical med & rehabilitation	44
6	nephrology	44
7	hematology	43
8	radiation oncology	43
9	aerospace med	43
10	radiology	43
11	psychiatry	43
12	otolaryngology	43
13	ophthalmology	43
14	rheumatology	43
15	pulmonology	42
16	nuclear med	42
17	preventive med	42
18	allergy & immunology	42
19	emergency med	42
20	infectious disease	42
21	urology	41
22	med oncology	41
23	gastroenterology	41
24	endocrinology	41
25	cardiology	41
26	general surgery	41
27	neurology	41
28	neurosurgery	41
29	orthopaedic surgery	40
30	general internal med	40
31	colon & rectal surgery	40
32	anesthesiology	40
33	dermatology	39
34	pediatrics	39
35	obstetrics/gynecology	37
36	family practice	36

okay, i didnt get what i wanted. try this out, it's fun :)

ASLA DARES YOU! :)

2008-01-15T16:10:00.000+08:00

Ateneo Student Leaders Assembly
brings you DARE IT FORWARD,
a campaign for everyday leadership.

Dare it Forward aims to redefine
what it means and what it takes to LEAD.

This pioneering campaign of the
Ateneo Student Leaders Assembly invites and
challenges everyone to be "everyday leaders" through
simple acts of self-improvement,
service, kindness, sacrifice, and love.

Leadership doesn't need grand gestures.
We believe it happens everyday.
We believe it can be done by anyone, even YOU.
Leadership begins with you,
and through these deeds,
you can be a leader and challenge others to become one too.

What does it take to make a difference?
ONE PERSON who DARES,
ONE HEART that CARES
…is enough to make a DIF.

Seek us out at Kostka Extension
or the Doghouse
and SIGN UP to either
SPONSOR a DARE or

randomly PICK a DARE (and do it!)
NOW!

Make a DIF. Be the DIF!

storybook endings

2008-01-04T20:37:00.000+08:00

my eyes are tired but i still need to finish 2 requirements tonight before school officially starts.

itunes randomly played carrie underwood's ever ever after and it made me stop reading history researches as i heard this:

sometimes you reach what's real just by making believe.

when i repeated the song again and again, i realized one important lesson that i guess i just didn't really give that much attention: believe in ever after. storybook endings aren't fictitious.

this world isn't really cruel and when you actually wish for something or ask the Lord anything, you'll surely get it when the right time comes.

The world can be yours if you let your heart believe in ever after.

the 1st week of 2008 is really a blessing not only to me but to many of my loved ones as well. This optimism is definitely great. :)

Forever could start today. Maybe whatever you need is just one wish away. :D

next attraction: orgchem marathon.

sharps and flats

2007-12-31T22:49:00.000+08:00

It has always been a part of my so-called tradition to write a blog "year-ender" of sorts before i say goodbye to 2007 and hello to hopefully a peaceful and fruitful 2008. But just to give this entry a twist, let me share with you a list of random things that can encapsulate this very eventful year:

eleven minutes
shuffle
karaoke
beach
antipolo
philo
scott peck
ym
bio
jabberwocky
amazing race
unbearable lightness of being
regcom
happy happy joy joy
sweet irony
every time with you
how does something beautiful fall apart
purpose driven life
spongebob
14
bacolod
violin, piano and guitar
hp7
nano
never the same
pride
86236
phenomenology
stalker issues
blogs
bros
twin
itunes
sleepless nights
eastwood
podium
asla
gateway
katipunan
v.p.
1408
dna
rubik's cube
p.s.
little prince
jamming
lolo
98
3:14
PnE
Red jumpsuit apparatus
kahit kailan
prutas
numbers
g.a
house
peter petrelli
bittersweet freedom
sharps and flats

...and the list goes on and on.... So far, those were a few of the most memorable and treasured events/"ideas" that will let me remember the year that was. I've had a lot of "firsts" and "lasts" this year; i have learned that life can be so cruel at certain points of our lives but it also gives us our fair share of luck and blessings.

2007 is coming to an end... it has been one of my toughest years though i still wish i could relive those unforgettable events again. But hey, another chapter of our lives awaits us. Hope you’ll still be part of my 2008 and the many years to come! Happy New Year! :)

start the change and progress but never leave the memories behind.

far away (?)

2007-12-12T09:30:00.000+08:00

it has been a long time... but i've realized we're not so far away each other after all.

and if fate really wants our roads to cross again, then so be it.

happy birthday. :) i miss you. :D

pagnanais

2007-11-30T11:58:00.000+08:00

minsan mahirap magbalatkayo
mahirap ikubli ang totoo para bumalik ang
nakasanayan. may pagkakataong matapos--
nasisiguro ko ngunit hindi pa panahon.
Mga nakawiwindang datapwat nakabibighaning
alaala -- mas naiisip tuwing Disyembre.

Na makapiling at makamit, kahit sa sandali
ang panahong nais balikan. Umasa magpakailanman.

Matatamis na ninanais. Mapapait na pangarap.

Masarap lang talagang magsulat ng mga tula't sanaysay lalo na't malamig na ang simoy ng hangin :)

are you..? will you..?

2007-11-14T09:48:00.000+08:00

If I was down
Would your arms lift me up
to higher ground
With just the strength of your love

If I was lost
Would I find something in your eyes to lead me home

And if it all went wrong
Would you be there to hold
It's easy to be there through the good time
But when the times get hard
Would you stay or walk away

(CHORUS)
Are you gonna be there when the rain comes
Are you gonna be there with a warm touch
Can you swear you'll be there with a real love
Are you gonna be there
Will you stand by my side through the bad times
Through whatever will be will you still be mine
Will you stay in my life for a lifetime
Are you gonna be there
When I need someone to hold
Someone there for me
Are you gonna be there

Be in my world
If it should all fall down
Will you be there
Be there to turn it around
Will you still care
Can I depend on you to see me through this life
And if it all goes wrong
Will you still make it right
It's easy to be there through the good times
But when the times get hard
Will you still be on my side

(CHORUS)

There with the arms to hold me
There with the love I need
Will you be there
Heart and soul I need to know

Are you gonna be there
Are you gonna still care
Are you gonna be
Will you stay by my side
Are you gonna be mine
Are you gonna be there

(CHORUS X 2)
-----

only time will tell. i always see you yet i just don't know when that moment will come.

Let it find its way.

those pristine trains...

2007-11-11T15:18:00.000+08:00

He is a man. He is an artist.He should know that the great aim of every human being is to understand the meaning of total love. Love is not to be found in someone else, but in ourselves; we simply awaken it. But in order to do that, we need the other person. The universe only makes sense when we have someone to share our feelings with.
--------

Profound desire, true desire is the desire to be close to someone. From that point onwards, things change, the man and the woman come into play, but what happens before-- the attraction that brought them together--is impossible to explain. It is untouched in its purest state.

When desire is still in this purest state, the man and the woman fall in love with life, they live each moment reverently, consciously, always ready to celebrate the next blessing.

When people feel like this, they are not in a hurry, they do not precipitate events with unthinking actions. They know that the inevitable will happen, that what is real always finds a way of revealing itself. When the moment comes, they do not hesitate, they do not miss an opportunity, they do not let slip a single magic moment, because they respect the importance of each second.

--------
i really enjoyed this sem break. Though i did not have the rest i needed, it was still the break
i wanted; and you know what i mean. :) Thanks to the people who were there to listen and were just present during the 2 weeks.

And regcom friends, it was definitely the best prep/work days ever. More bonding time, alright?! I'll post the pictures soon. :)

to the special people in my life [whahaha you know who you guys are], we'll definitely go out anytime during the second sem. I'm sorry i was so busy and had no time to party and bond this sem break. marami akong ikukwento sa inyo.

Feel the adrenalin rush.

a fresh start

2007-10-17T14:26:00.000+08:00

this sem break is definitely the start of something "new". i've been so productive these past few days and with that unexpected change, i guess it's something worth blogging. :)

Also, there's a second sem with a very good schedule to look forward to.

and ASLA Congress next week! :)

Avenue Q!

2007-10-09T13:32:00.000+08:00

After it's recent sold out run, Atlantis Productions' hit staging of the Tony Award Winning Broadway Musical AVENUE Q will be back in Manila spreading some holiday cheer this December 2007 at the Carlos P. Romulo Auditorium, RCBC Plaza, Makati.

Winner of the 2004 Tony Award for Best Musical, AVENUE Q is most accurately described as a cross between SESAME STREET and RENT. Due to Full Puppet Nudity, parental discretion is advised.

Featured in the stellar cast are Rachel Alejandro as Kate Monster/Lucy T. Slut, Felix Rivera as Princeton/Rod, Frenchie Dy as Christmas Eve, Rycharde Everley as Brian, Joel Trinidad as Nicky, Trekkie Monster and others, Teenee Chan as Mrs. Thistletwat and Others and Aiza Seguera as Gary Coleman.

Directed by Bobby Garcia and Chari Arespacochaga, Production Design by Mio Infante, Lighting Design by Jay Aranda, Puppet Execution by Sam Fuentes and Marvin Choa based on the Original Broadway designs of Rick Lyons and Musical Direction by Jojo Malferari.

TICKETS NOW AVAILABLE FOR DECEMBER 22, 2:00 p.m.

Ticket Prices:
Orchestra Center : Php 1300.00
Orchestra Sides: Php 1100.00
Loge: Php 1000.00
Balcony: Php 500.00 --- (Not available anymore)

Contact JQ at 0917-8130368 or through this email address for orders/reservations. Please feel free to pass this on to those who might be interested to watch!

current mindset

2007-09-23T21:58:00.000+08:00

it's only set aside. :)

slow dancing in a burning room

2007-09-16T15:38:00.000+08:00

yeah.. i didn't notice it has been burnt for a long time ago..

talk about trying to "rekindle the flame"...

useless, isn't it? even the friendship... is it gone forever? you said we'd be friends albeit the misunderstandings and the conflicting issues....

but what's happening now? i think i've lost a friend.. a very close friend even for that matter.

my nostalgia is not doing me anything good at all, but this triggered my "reaching out".. it's sad, so sad.. about what's happening with one of my best buddies and me right now...but what can i do?

I DON'T KNOW.

ang gusto ko lang talaga, magkaayusan... ibalik ang pagkakaibigan, at wala nang away pa.

Lord, kaw na lang po bahala.

we pulled too many false alarms.

setting it free

2007-09-12T18:15:00.000+08:00

it's like a bird that i've set free..

it's gone forever.

and i have to finally let it go.

if it comes back, then perhaps by that time, i'll be glad to accept it again.

.

2007-09-10T15:05:00.000+08:00

parting is such sweet sorrow.

and crying is definitely good. i think i want more of it in the next few weeks or so.

1408

2007-08-30T00:06:00.000+08:00

add these numbers, you get 13. (hint: parallelism with something eventful)

still don't have any idea what i'm talking about? hahaha... i'll tell you personally if you want to discover the real deal about it. :)

I'm ALONE at home right now, and watching quality horror movies is definitely an ingenious idea to divert one's mindset in being stressed in all of life's complexities.

But when you do, be freaking damn prepared of the ramifications. I'm not, so i guess that's the downside of it......

(and to think i'm used to seeing "paranormals" and feeling manifestations especially in our ancestral house...)

"Why do you think people believe in ghosts? For fun? NO. It's the prospect of something... after death." (just a quote from the movie)

You just can't take away the bad memories. Sometimes you just have to live with it.

----
it's not a really good movie, but pretty much okay to entertain and keep the mind awake.

ways to turn down a man [repost]

2007-08-16T21:06:00.000+08:00

haha!!

HE: Can I buy you a drink?
SHE: Actually, I'd rather have the money.

HE: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.

HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must've been given your share.

HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out.
SHE: Okay, get out.

HE: I think I could make you very happy.
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why? Don't you already have one?

HE: Shall we go see a movie?
SHE: I've already seen it.

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.

HE: Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes and this one will be if you sit down.

HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.

HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.

HE: Your body is like a temple.
SHE: Sorry there are no services today.

HE: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
SHE: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Where i'll be the rest of your life- in your wildest dreams.

:)) witty. witty.

what songs can do

2007-08-15T22:01:00.000+08:00

To see you when I wake up
is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
is a three-fold, utopian dream.
You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said,
I miss you.
I see your picture, I smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days, but already I'm wasting away.
I know I'll see you again
whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care
and I miss you.

(I miss you by Incubus)
---------
amazing what songs can really do in this time of the morning.. this song just struck me. i guess it's time to compose another song. :)

my friends really give me the best advices ever. that's why they're called friends. thanks, guys. :)

visualDNA

2007-08-03T16:33:00.000+08:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

happy birthday, mom!

2007-08-03T11:57:00.001+08:00

Happy birthday, Ma! I can't wait for you to be back...You're definitely one of my prized treasures.

I miss you so much...

I love you.

DIAGNOSIS AT ITS FINEST

2007-07-25T10:28:00.000+08:00

Before it was chemotherapy, now you're going to tell the whole family that another solution's pericardiostomy???

I sometimes think that prolonging his life will only prolong the agony... but then again, this is mercy killing that i'm thinking.. I'm sorry...

Daaaaaaaamn it. I can't stop worrying about my grandpa even though I couldn't really do anything much anymore.

I need a miracle. I need your prayers...if it's not too much to ask..

God bless you.

distracted. too. much.

2007-07-23T18:21:00.000+08:00

im speechless, and still distracted after hearing the bad news.

Support. It's the only cure???? What the hell? I knew it was that malignant ever since God knows when!! I'm so frustrated, and even disappointed that this happened.. but I still feel sorry about it...

I want to cry, but my heart has been numb for weeks now. Besides, crying just makes my chest hurt even more...

I have my own problems, and I still need to focus... :((

God help me. Please. I'm too annoyed to study.

on nostalgia and heartaches

2007-07-04T20:59:00.000+08:00

As i am writing this, I have pondered on the what-have-been's and the what-might-have-been's while experiencing the heartache that has been inherently bugging me lately. It's not the normal heartache that most people often associate with love (well, you might add that to the probable reasons why i'm hurting) but the literal heartaches, chest pains, and the like.

The road hasn't been smooth for the past few days, and if i'd include this sickness as part of those "bumps" we often call problems, then i'd be getting sicker and weaker by the minute. Nostalgia might have added its impact on my emotions, how i felt ecstatic and content about life. Maybe it's just strange how I easily start comparing the past from what's currently going on in this journey....

I hate it when my chest suddenly hurts without any reason at all.. (well, who would not?) but maybe this is another way of diverting my thoughts to be able to "forget" the not-so-good events that transpired a couple of days/weeks ago. Yes, i'd rather be a masochist right now than drown in my 'emo' world and still feel bad emotionally and physically. At least the former's even milder than the latter. That I would definitely choose over the other.

I am healthy. I know i am.. this heartache is triggered by the stress and all those silly thoughts that have been running in my mind while studying for a very busy day later. Can someone mend this "heartache"? Even just for a day... i'd really appreciate it.

I'm so grateful that whenever i think of my friends and my family, the pain gradually stops. At least for now. Thank God.

Before i stop writing, just a quick rundown of random phrases/lines that have touched my ego... (pardon the incoherence):

You will never know true happiness until you have truly loved, and you will never understand
what pain really is until you have lost it.

True love doesn't have a happy ending: True love doesn't have an ending.

Love is like heaven but it can hurt like hell.

The best feelings are those that have no words to describe them.

We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.

Now back to reality. I'm really hoping for a good day later.. God bless you.

every time with you

2007-06-30T16:58:00.000+08:00

it took me quite a while
to realize what i feel inside
i was stuck in the past, all my fears i tried to hide
i couldn't believe this,
your love has made me see real bliss

refrain
when i look into your eyes, it's a mystery
of a love that would last for eternity

chorus
'Cause every time with you always feels like the first time,
and every moment without you is like a poem without a rhyme
'cause every time with you is like a dream come true
it's more than a fantasy, the love i have for you

days and nights may pass away
i hope and pray this love's here to stay
just promise me you'll be there, that you'll never cease to care
hold me tight, don't let go;
i'll never leave you...that's for sure

refrain
when i look into your eyes, it's a mystery
of a love that would last for eternity
repeat chorus

bridge
no words are left to explain
how much i've changed
we have each other, may this linger forever

repeat chorus.... :) (one note higher)

copyright June 14, 07

emptiness

2007-05-22T19:59:00.000+08:00

Dumadalas na ang unos.

Hanggang kailan pa kaya ito? (alam kong may katapusan ang lahat--- kalungkutan man o kasiyahan.....)

No words are left to describe this emotion. I just had to blurt this out. I don't want STRESS to interrupt me while I'm studying for the finals...

May God be with me.

black-out

2007-05-09T06:32:00.000+08:00

Have you ever had that feeling wherein you completely forgot everything that you studied and you just don't understand how that happened when you have even reviewed for that specific type of problem for x number of times???

I just hate myself right now. GAAHHH!!! I took my Calculus LT3 a few minutes ago and there was this "ladder problem" that I completely forgot how to solve. To think that it was one of my favorite problems when I reviewed because I understood and solved it correctly, and now I have completely messed all my solutions. Arrghh!!!!!

At least I'm sure of my other answers.. (i think)

Sorry for ranting over a small problem. It's just that I knew the solution but my memory failed me right then and there. sayang lang talaga..

What's done is done. It's futile to repent over this, anyway. It's a matter of releasing the stress through blogging as I try to forget that pitiful incident.

Now back to proofreading the lab reports.

Med Talk

2007-04-11T00:52:00.000+08:00

They say that one can never control the heart because it is an involuntary muscle. What the heck! hahah... pardon my freaking corny joke. I just need a laugh.. Hahaha :)

I've just had my 2D-Echo test, and I admit that it was a bit painful.. for an ultrasound of sorts...Never did I expect it to be painful because of what I have seen on TV. Nevertheless, the doctor said it was just normal to feel such pains.

The final reading will be given after 3 days and perhaps, it'll help me and my doctor know what my actual problem is. Difficulties in breathing, chest pains, fast heart beats and the like were symptoms of my diagnosis and abnormal heart beats shown by the ECG which was written and described as Cardiomyopathy. It's a serious disease and I just realized it was distinguished by my cardiologist long before I knew it.

To tell you the truth, I'm scared.. because I know the possible ramifications of this sickness. I know I have been working too much lately and that my being so workaholic made me feel these.. add the pressure, stress and all the worries that I've had for the past 2 semesters and even for the previous year... oh, God.

I just hope that when the final results come, I'd be glad for my condition.

On another note, after completing and watching some episodes of House Seasons 1 and 2 again, I fully realized that my passion of becoming a doctor never faded. It's really good to know what you truly love and like.... and that this realization will help me fulfill my dream even better than before.

This heart condition makes me want to become a doctor even more, except that my dream specialization is neurosurgery.

And by that time, I'd be happy to replace Dr. Foreman in House's Department soon. [hahahaha!]

Summer classes will be starting next week..have to seize the days and nights when I can still rest..then I can pray that my grades will not let me down.

Godspeed.

Happy Happy Joy Joy!

2007-03-15T19:31:00.000+08:00

I just won an IPOD SHUFFLE from Mcdo! Just buy any Float and try your luck!

It was a relief after having been sick and stressed lately....

Oh, happy happy day! hehehe....

I just hope my luck will last until the end of March. I really need luck for my health and also for the coming days...

God please help me.

*just a quick note: thanks to my closest friends who constantly cares for me and for just being there when I need you. You know who you are. We'll definitely celebrate after this hell's over!!!

'sociological' escapades

2007-03-07T19:26:00.000+08:00

Thank you Lord, for I am so blessed.

I have had so many realizations today and it's all because of a simple yet meaningful experience that have helped me change my views about what REALITY is truly all about.

This experience wasn't planned, after meeting with the Guru and discuss the memorable things that are worth sharing... I guess it was just intended to happen.

I went with Jer at a place I never even knew what it was exactly and since he taught there, I was given the honor of observing him (haha, well yeah, i did observe your demeanor) as well as the society that we were currently in.

Frankly, I experienced this so-called "culture shock" at first. But since I've already learned why such things and cultures vary among others, I easily adapted and adjusted to what was "weird" and unusual at first.

Seeing how the people moved around that context, how the environment is completely different from my preconceived notions of THE "Environment" and how people saw and "interpreted" my lifestyle, I now understand how I should perceive society and why Sir Jer has always been telling me about my reality and my world.

I'm sorry for being a bit condescending, and for being "a big ego freak" sometimes.. it's just that I haven't really understood the context of how other people live.. and through this sociological experience, God has indeed planned this to happen. He wants me to realize something that I should've thought about a long time ago.

Sir, it was one hell of a tiring day.. but so many lessons will remain and be remembered. It was one practical application of what we have been studying in Sociology.

And as what you've said, "Now, you truly won't be able to forget me.." Yeah I really won't.. and will not. I'm learning reality and the difference between my perceptions and theirs.

Indeed, this has been a meaningful day and I'm more than contented and grateful to have experienced this.

the past... reawakened.

2007-03-06T18:50:00.000+08:00

Finally after almost a month of being quiet here, I've got some reasons to blog and talk about how this day turned to be so significant yet tiring and harrassing all at the same time.

We just had our 2nd LT for Molfab (that's Molecular Fabric of Organisms) and it was definitely one successful way of making me insane and feel nauseated during and after the test. It was soooooo hard probably because I haven't taken Ch11, Ch12 and Org Chem yet.. which are all PREREQUISITES for this course... Nevertheless, I still managed to answer the damn test.. (talk about being a shiftee.....)

Looking at the bright side, I'm so glad it's over. (crossing my fingers and hoping I'd get a pleasing and satisfying mark, to say the very least)

After that harrassing and traumatic test and even receiving another not-so-bad news during Eco, I wanted to have my friends with me even just for a while to help me refresh my mood and relax despite the never-ending stress. God was right on time when He delivered twin's text message, as well as Adviser's and even Mikki's. Right then and there, I felt a little relieved and ecstatic that I still have my friends and my trusted ones with me in times of despair.

After meeting twin and talking about ambiguous subjects, there was this surprising moment that continued to amaze us until that last second that we were still together. The gang (the twins, twin's minion, and third party along with my adviser rene, bio-friends jj and mikki) strolled and talked about what exactly occurred and what was still occurring right in front of our naked eyes.

It's really difficult to type and elaborate more on that peculiar yet insightful incident. I'm just happy that all these happened today... after that dreadful freaking hell long test.. I'm finally realizing that the past has been brought back; that the "past" might still be considered the "present"; and that the memories of yesterday have been revived.

To think that WE ALL THOUGHT IT WAS OVER. Apparently NOT.

(only my closest friends can and will be able to understand if not all, at least almost all that I wrote here.. but to give you a pseudo-gist of how this significant and memorable day went... let me share with you a very fictitious dialog that jj typed a while ago, which was supposedly for our psych presentation..)

Symptoms, diagnosis, prominent persons and patients manifestations. asar sobrang antok na ako. heheheh. weird. hahaha. ang weird naman. V and X + W. sino pa ang magtutunggali sa puso ng inang reynang G!? whahahah! at si Y? ano nga ba ang papel ng dakilang enthusiast-cum-philo boy sa istorya?

V: G, pwede bang manligaw?
W: G i love you, sige babay punta pa ako sa party sa kabila
X: best friend, higher level na tayo..
Y: (dun sa sulok, nakatutok)
.
.
.
Z: sassy! nabundol ako!!

AGAIN, that was FICTION. NEVER INTENDED TO BE THE TRUTH... (a pseudo-gist, that is.)

That was weird. REALLY WEIRD. But to at least give some humor to all these, I decided to post it here.

Thanks for that, J! What a very significant point. :))

Now back to regular programming. Work, work and more work. God bless.

when confusion strikes again...

2007-02-08T21:31:00.000+08:00

What is there to do when every alternative presented to you becomes confusing..? Of course there are still options and answers to problems... but because of time constraints, nothing much is left for you.

Why can't every person be appreciative of one's effort? Why can't some people be patient enough to realize that there are priorities other than what should be done? And why can't destiny make our roads meet again?

I have already been wanting to greet someone for God knows when but no matter how I try, it seems that the Lord wants me to wait even more. I just remembered this certain person the other night...realizing that time indeed flies so fast that it has almost been a year since we talked.

Too many walls have been built in between us.. too many dreams have been shattered around us.. If I seem to give up and still never win, deep in my heart.. I know the strength is within.

Time has almost healed the wounds; still, the memories will forever linger and bring back the should've/would've/could've been's.

There's no easy way out for all these confusion. I really need answers.

de-stressing

2007-02-01T22:16:00.000+08:00

Today has been truly a stressful day.

We had our first ever Molecular Fabric, Lec Long Test and it was really, really confusing. It had 15 complex chapters for its coverage; unfortunately, I wasn't able to finish reviewing though it pays to carefully listen and understand the professor's discussion beforehand albeit the vague ideas that he often teaches.

It was exhausting, to think that it was a Modified Multiple Choice type of test (60 items) and the topics were those that I wasn't able to review that well. Nevertheless, after that nightmare, we tried reviewing the questions to check our answers and luckily, I got at least a sure 10 out of the 60 (not yet the exact score)...pretty much sums up the degree of difficulty of the test and the subject as well.

On a lighter note, I'm so glad that it's over. Next in line will be the lab works for tom and the SA Nueva Ecija Trip. Hoping that it'll be an exciting and peaceful experience.

And after all those stressful tests and serious class discussions (talk about eco), the twins attended the Service Awards for the Loyola Schools. I was flattered to have been invited by the awardee himself, from being THE most sought-after SA professor to becoming a close friend, [Sir] Jerry Apolonio.

Congratulations and cheers to the many years of magis and cura personalis, Sir! (oh sorry I meant Jer.. hehe.. im still trying to get used to it :p )

All the endless hirits and those jokes continue to cheer me up and relieve me of the stress caused by acads and all. Thanks for the company and the tawanan, twin and Jer! hehe.. looking forward to more of those bonding and kwentuhan moments with you both! And hopefully the others might join us as well!

Laughter is indeed the best medicine especially when one is mentally stressed. :)

worst day ever

2007-01-24T14:49:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was just the WORST day of my entire college life.

It was not because of any failure or fight. It was another enemy.. also known as DYSMENORRHEA.

Truly, this sickness has been the most terrible punishment God gave to every woman. I couldn't understand why this has been my problem since high school, and yesterday was Judgment Day for me.

It started as just a mere headache, which I thought was normal since I already slept at 6 am for a particular project for our SA class. I had no choice but to sacrifice, hoping the pain would cease...

After having breakfast with Sir Jer and studying for Molfab, I started feeling abdominal pains already, but didn't mind it because of the lesson... Unfortunately, my legs and torso were becoming numb thus, I felt weak... I even tried to go to my Eco class at Bel but I couldn't take it anymore.

I had to leave, cut class and even my job fair shifts that day. When I was home, I really couldn't move. It was as if I had been paralyzed and all my energy got lost.

At least I didn't have to feel "paralyzed" today. I still feel pains but not that dreadful anymore. Thank God for Dolfenal, Ponstan SF and all those pain relievers. Without those, I wouldn't be able to walk or move.

Then again, I couldn't decipher the real reason why God gave all women this freaking damn sickness. Was it because of what Eve did? I don't think I'd consider this as a blessing...but that's part of life.... I guess I have no other choice but to live with it for as long as I live.

(change topic)

Just a digression... as I was checking my emails, I read my horoscope and it said,

Mend fences with someone from your past. That doesn't mean you two necessarily have to be friends again. (Heck, you may not even have to contact them directly.) But you do have to make peace with what happened.

I just saw him a while ago, but again and again, I couldn't say hi or even look at him since he was busy walking and talking at the same time... so I walked fast and pretended I didn't have any idea that he was there walking behind me.

Damn, I wanted to make amends already. I really wanted to mend fences with that certain someone from the past. Too bad, my ego won't let me.

Maybe it's not yet time. Maybe this conflict will never end. (I hope not.)

Hell Week at its Finest

2007-01-22T19:26:00.000+08:00

Tired and in dire need of air... I'm about to suffocate and drown already.

God, help me.

Sickness

2007-01-09T00:51:00.000+08:00

So many deadlines to meet, so many requirements to fulfill...yet so little time for finishing all these responsibilities. As such, I've been starting to feel sick-- not only physically but also mentally-drained and emotionally stressed. This year's not starting right. It just isn't fun as of the moment given all these reasons.

I have noticed that it isn't only me who's feeling sick and restless (probably a given already because I am a self-confessed insomniac) but also other people in school. Even my sociology professor already declared his absence for later's meeting. Fortunately, NO 730 a.m. class so there's more sleeping time(or not) for us but then, I've been looking forward to attending his class albeit the very early schedule just BECAUSE.... (You fill in the blanks, sir! hahah :p)

It's unusual for me to feel sick, I've always been energetic regardless of all the tension, CONFLICT and worries that I experience. Well of course, I do feel sober and weak sometimes; and now, I just don't feel like talking and spending much energy..

And speaking of conflict, I am still in quandary about how I must resolve this... or maybe never anymore. This has been inherently driving me sick as well since it started and even though I try forgetting all about it, I can't deny the fact that it's part of my college life and that it has been bugging me through those freaking damn signs and symbols...so long as the cause/factor of such conflict is still within the vicinity.

Enough about all these sicknesses. I better go back and finish reading and doing our presentation before I feel even more sleepy.

Godspeed. :)