DIAGNOSIS AT ITS FINEST

Before it was chemotherapy, now you're going to tell the whole family that another solution's pericardiostomy???

I sometimes think that prolonging his life will only prolong the agony... but then again, this is mercy killing that i'm thinking.. I'm sorry...

Daaaaaaaamn it. I can't stop worrying about my grandpa even though I couldn't really do anything much anymore.


I need a miracle. I need your prayers...if it's not too much to ask..


God bless you.

distracted. too. much.

im speechless, and still distracted after hearing the bad news.

Support. It's the only cure???? What the hell? I knew it was that malignant ever since God knows when!! I'm so frustrated, and even disappointed that this happened.. but I still feel sorry about it...

I want to cry, but my heart has been numb for weeks now. Besides, crying just makes my chest hurt even more...

I have my own problems, and I still need to focus... :((

God help me. Please. I'm too annoyed to study.

on nostalgia and heartaches

As i am writing this, I have pondered on the what-have-been's and the what-might-have-been's while experiencing the heartache that has been inherently bugging me lately. It's not the normal heartache that most people often associate with love (well, you might add that to the probable reasons why i'm hurting) but the literal heartaches, chest pains, and the like.

The road hasn't been smooth for the past few days, and if i'd include this sickness as part of those "bumps" we often call problems, then i'd be getting sicker and weaker by the minute. Nostalgia might have added its impact on my emotions, how i felt ecstatic and content about life. Maybe it's just strange how I easily start comparing the past from what's currently going on in this journey....

I hate it when my chest suddenly hurts without any reason at all.. (well, who would not?) but maybe this is another way of diverting my thoughts to be able to "forget" the not-so-good events that transpired a couple of days/weeks ago. Yes, i'd rather be a masochist right now than drown in my 'emo' world and still feel bad emotionally and physically. At least the former's even milder than the latter. That I would definitely choose over the other.

I am healthy. I know i am.. this heartache is triggered by the stress and all those silly thoughts that have been running in my mind while studying for a very busy day later. Can someone mend this "heartache"? Even just for a day... i'd really appreciate it.

I'm so grateful that whenever i think of my friends and my family, the pain gradually stops. At least for now. Thank God.

Before i stop writing, just a quick rundown of random phrases/lines that have touched my ego... (pardon the incoherence):

You will never know true happiness until you have truly loved, and you will never understand
what pain really is until you have lost it.

True love doesn't have a happy ending: True love doesn't have an ending.

Love is like heaven but it can hurt like hell.

The best feelings are those that have no words to describe them.

We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.

Now back to reality. I'm really hoping for a good day later.. God bless you.