Tis the Season of Gladness

Father Horacio de la Costa once said it so eloquently, that "Christmas is when we celebrate the unexpected; it is the festival of surprise," when "down is up and up is down", when suddenly, "in the very heart of earth, is heaven," and "the stars and the angels look down on the God who made them and God looks up at the things He made."


This is part of a very inspiring homily that I overheard last Dec. 22 at the Simbang Gabi held at the Gesu made by Fr. Magadia. Fortunately, this was made as an email and was sent to me. I've been wanting to have a copy of it ever since I last heard it and I felt the need to share it even though Christmas is almost over.

But is it really over?

As what Father H. de la Costa said, whenever we celebrate something surprising or unexpected, we feel Christmas in the air. It's appropriate especially for me that during these times of the holidays, I've been expecting something and until now, that "something" hasn't arrived JUST YET.

This has been the cause of my worries, the reason for my sadness when I should be merry and excited that I'm spending this wonderful time of the year with my loved ones. Though I know that "something" hasn't arrived yet, I am sure that Jesus will surely have some surprise prepared for me for the coming year.

And when this new year comes, I'm hoping that all my wishes will be granted in the same way that my awaited "surprise" will eventually happen.

I'm expecting the unexpected. I should.

Happy holidays and have a good and prosperous year ahead of you.

Sana nga lang..

While I was in the library, a feeling of being 'emo' and nostalgic all of a sudden hit me, causing some tiny bits of inspiration for me to create this poem/song of sorts...

This has yet to be mixed with a melody....soon. In the meantime, it's just a poem not meant to hurt/affect the readers negatively.
--------

Sana nga lang...

Kahit maraming dapat gawin
tila ika'y hindi matakasan
sa pag-iisip ng mga bagay na
di naman dapat bigyang kahulugan

Refrain:
Walang oras na di ka naaalala
'kaw pa rin ang mahalaga
kahit na alam kong hindi ako kasama....
di kasama sa plano mo....

Chorus:
Sana nga lang makalimutan ka na
at sana rin matahimik na..
Ako'y nalilito, nagugulo ang buhay ko
sa pagnanais na makapiling ka.. sa tuwina
Baliw nga ba ako nang mahulog ako sa'yo...?

Kahit maraming dapat isipin
'kaw pa rin ang nasa utak ko!
bakit ba nagkakagan'to??
nasaktan na't patuloy pa ring NANGANGARAP

(repeat refrain then Chorus)

Bridge:
Dapat na talagang tigilan
mga minimithing puro "suntok sa buwan"
Ikaw lang ang DAHILAN
NG BUONG KABALIWAN!

(repeat refrain then Chorus)

Lyrics: Copyright Dec. 13, 2006

the unexpected

What a day.

I have yet to update this blog due to so many significant acquaintances, memorable moments, and the like. It was like my week has been breezing smoothly albeit the hectic and loaded academic life because of something more inspiring. Or should I say, someone perhaps?

Just a quick overview of what happened yesterday (since I just realized it's already 3:26 in the morning)...

The morning started just right when I went to school realizing our venue was at some place where I had wanted to really check and visit recently (because of some foolish reasons that need not be mentioned hehe). At the same time, discussing our SA research topic was fun to start with, because of the many topics that crossed my mind about a connection that would really help me bridge our gap after a very long time. Next in line was taking that lucky and enjoying quiz in Molecular Fabric, I knew I was not that ready for the quiz given the fact that I just studied an hour and a half ago. Still, it was probably because of my interest that gave me inspiration in getting a good grade. Now I have more reasons to like this subject and motivate myself to even do better.

Lunchtime came, and after eating with my bio-b friends and meeting with twin and 3rd party, I decided to go to the library to read in advance my Eco notes and perhaps doze off for a few minutes before going to Bel and stressing myself in going upstairs, walking while bringing my heavy books and laptop with me.

Being in the lib is really a good thing, personally because of the atmosphere and the cozy ambience where one is surrounded by different kinds of books...geeky as it may seem, but the lighter side of hanging out there is having the time to "rest" ---> hopefully you do get the point. :)

After doing all those, resting, reading and reviewing, I decided to leave early for my next class. I wasn't really expecting for some surprise nor nightmare to happen. All I wanted was to leave early so I can arrive early for my next class as well. I guess it's true when most people say, "expect the unexpected" and yeah, I have seen what I should not have seen.

My so-called "nightmare" appeared to me once again, and this time... appeared subtly yet deadly. And what's worse is, another confrontation happened after my class. That was at 3pm.

So many questions came right then and there, when all those happened and perhaps the aftershock of the unexpected. I was really expecting to have an uneventful afternoon but hell no, IT WAS REALLY CREEPIER THAN I THOUGHT.

I can't believe what made fate decide to bring the pressure on. Even after those incidents ended, the mystery was unraveled at the end of the day. Manifestations here and there, it's as if tactics and strategies were laid on the table, trying to catch the right moment when serendipity would take its proper course. Be that as it may, I was pretending to pretend. All my intuitions were correct and yet, I continued on thinking about my destiny for that day.

Was it really meant to be? I couldn't erase my interpretations for all the clues that were shown. Well, my assumptions would always intervene and try to give me false hopes. But nevertheless, I think it's just appropriate to say that at the very least, seeing these turn into reality,

Now I know that you DO care.

Kahit papaano, naipakita mo rin pala na may malasakit ka rin sa paraang hindi madaling mawari. Napansin ko 'yun kahit hindi mo talaga gustong ipakita na ganun nga ang layunin mo.

Hayy... here I go again, trying to be vague for me to avoid creating those clues and signs that would lead those speculating to WHAT I have been saying here.

I don't know if I should feel ecstatic about this day. I had heard bad news here and there, aside from this, of course. I have yet to expect the unexpected. Perhaps all these are fresh preludes and introductions in my new chapter of the same novel.

Sana nga lang, magkausap na sa lalong mamadaling panahon.

I wanna reach out and feel you beside me.. someday I'll pray that I'll find the strength to turn to you and say.....
------------------------------------------------------------
Oh and as I was surfing the net, I tried this blogquiz.. It's completely irrelevant to this post but nevertheless, try this one too! :)

You Are An ENTJ

The Executive You are a natural leader - with confidence and strength that inspires others. Driven to succeed, you are always looking for ways to gain, power, knowledge, and expertise. Sometimes you aren't the most considerate person, especially to those who are a bit slow. You are not easily intimidated - and you have a commanding, awe-inspiring presence. You would make a great CEO, entrepreneur, or consultant.

What's Your Personality Type?

Please do pray for my lolo. He is really sick, serious conditions that would lead to the unexpected. Please do include him in your prayers......please please. Thank you.

the journey called LIFE

Please read through the story (this is a forwarded mail)...
It's really inspiring and I dedicate this to everyone who touched my life..to the people who have been part of my journey beyond reality.. Thanks so much for sailing with me.

May you be inspired with this as well.
------

>Mouse Story ...
>
>A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see
>the farmer and his wife open a package.
>
>"What food might this contain?" The mouse wondered -
>he was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap.
>
>Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the
>warning.
>
>"There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a
>mousetrap in the house!"
>
>The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and
>said, "Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern
>to you but it is of no consequence to me.
>
>I cannot be bothered by it."
>
>The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a
>mousetrap in the house!
>
>There is a mousetrap in the house!"
>
>The pig sympathized, but said,
>
>"I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I
>can do about it but pray.
>
>Be assured you are in my prayers."
>
>The mouse turned to the cow and said, "There is a
>mousetrap in the house!
>
>There is a mousetrap in the house!"
>
>The cow said, "Wow, Mr. Mouse.
>
>I'm sorry for you, but it's no skin off my nose."
>
>So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and
>dejected, to face the farmer's mousetrap-- alone.
>
>That very night a sound was heard throughout the house
>-- like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey.
>
>The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In
>the darkness, she did not see it was a venomous snake
>whose tail the trap had caught.
>
>The snake bit the farmer's wife.
>
>The farmer rushed her to the hospital and she returned
>home with a fever.
>
>Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken
>soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard
>for the soup's main ingredient.
>
>But his wife's sickness continued, so friends and
>neighbors came to sit with her around the clock.
>
>To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig.
>
>The farmer's wife did not get well; she died.
>
>So many people came for her funeral, the farmer had
>the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of
>them.
>
>The mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the
>wall with great sadness.
>
>So, the next time you hear someone is facing a problem
>and think it doesn't concern you, remember -- when one
>of us is threatened, we are all at risk.
>
>We are all involved in this journey called life.
>
>We must keep an eye out for one another and make an
>extra effort to encourage one another.
>
>SEND THIS TO EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER HELPED YOU OUT
>AND LET THEM KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THEY ARE.
>REMEMBER: EACH OF US IS A VITAL THREAD IN ANOTHER
>PERSON'S TAPESTRY; OUR LIVES ARE WOVEN TOGETHER FOR A
>REASON.
>
>One of the best things to hold on to in this world is a friend.

respite.

the most awaited moment....

after a very long 6 months of hoping and preparing...

of constantly searching for signs..

finally, fate has intervened--GOD has planned it to happen.

was it the right time? Serendipity perhaps? or was it just something that ought to be..?

A brief respite of living in the dreamy and dreary world…a slight deviation to reality----albeit the insanity and wishful thinking.

Unbelievable. We met and there, WE HAD THE CHANCE. Sadly I had to respond cognitively and not be carried away by my own "ecstasy" and euphoric imaginations.

Then again, it was TRUE. Our roads have finally crossed ONCE AGAIN... but it still was not the right time for me to face YOU. It just wasn't.

What-if...... maybe.... if only...........should've been....

(Oh God, I’ve never felt this sudden rush of extreme overwhelming and at the same time, guilty feeling that have made my heart pound and beat unusually. Still, at least the freedom of reminiscing and contemplating about this unforgettable "first-time-after-God-knows-when" experience is within reach.)

Let me share with you a very intricate yet quixotic line from a book written by Mabi David:

I know no end in desiring you.

Desire in its very delicate nature; admiration of some sort, and how I tend to choose the miserable track of dreaming about the impossible.

All thoughts formed here are mere random, mundane and blunt expressions from my one and only wandering mind. Pardon my attempt to at least take a break from all my disturbing adventures and quest for signs. This is already reality. Our instantaneous meeting was maybe, a coincidence. Nevertheless, it happened and it was REAL.

Vague as it may seem (this is intentional for the anonymity of the subject and the actual event), I still try to search for the answers to these entire occurrences. As what I always say, it’s just a matter of time.

I will still let fate take its proper course. Let Jesus lead the way.

......

Let fate take its proper course.



I saw you again a while ago... there are still signs all around me.. still, I have not changed my perspective about you.


They say change is constant. But why the hell are all these constantly happening??

Truly, only time will tell.


ciao!

random quizzes i got from Ana's LJ

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

You Are Lightning

Beautiful yet dangerous People will stop and watch you when you appear Even though you're capable of random violence You are best known for: your power Your dominant state: performing

What Type of Weather Are You?

hahahah. Have to study and read molecular fabric now.

a quick recap

Classes have already started, the thrills have now began and I seriously must study immediately.

My subjects and professors for this sem are all superb, plus the fact that I decided to quit Chem as of the moment because of one permanent reason.... I am enjoying my 2nd sem since Monday!

And yeah, about that GHOST, I am so surpised, contemplative and excited because I cannot erase the fact that I am terrified of our meeting in the future.. I don't want it to happen yet because of my Raspy Voice. At the same time, I can't bring my pride down just to talk to him again. Now I understand why this has been so complicated and weird.

After how many days and months of waiting...I have confirmed it: HE IS FINALLY BACK. He is truly creeping me out more than ever and I am still hoping we could fix our problem.. I am thankful that I have my friend ANA with me to talk and check if he has arrived. It was such a happy moment that I have personally heard the ghost has come back to do the usual stuff that he does. (God, If you, the Ghost, could understand all these, JUST READ BETWEEN THE LINES.)

On another note, people who are called friends i.e. twin, and 3rd party, are blessings in my life. I have seen another vivid sign about the Ghost and it was the last thing that I have treasured today. Seeing him drive again is so fun and interesting! After all these months, you have returned. This alone is God's will and plan to at least tell me the time that we both wasted and the memories of the past that are still significantly playing in my life.

I know this sem's going to be one hell full of workload and of course, stress... but now that the Ghost is around.. it could just be either extremely hell or the better opposite. After all, my wish has come true and it's good to feel this way again.

how could you make me take a start?
then just leave me here hanging, can't even say how I'm feeling..


No I will never be the same.....


Have you been living your life finding reasons for the visions?
and sail the oceans beyond the deep horizons
you may have seen that all oceans end..
where you started my friend, back in your heart you'll find yourself once again.


time has a way of taking things away from your hand.
So when the safe place of your world falls apart.. you must gather ALL the memories
and build the safest place in your heart...

manifestations of a GHOST in disguise..

This day has been so full of mystery.

And to those who inherently know who the GHOST is, you can be assured that you'll be able to relate to what I'll be saying here.

I have just watched the movie SERENDIPITY and it was so insipiring at the same time, disturbing... to think that I almost imagined myself to be in Kate Beckinsale's place.
Nevertheless, this movie touched me so much that I feel blessed to have experienced the search for those SIGNS and clues that God has given me. My "destiny" has not been revealed to me yet though I can feel it is coming soon. Yeah, pretty soon.

I can't understand why the ghost plays tricks on me. Is it because I'm just interpreting the 'clues' differently? Or is it because there is a need to feel those manifestations? I just am clueless about these whether it's still part of my reality or the OTHER reality.

Of all the many kinds of t-shirts that can be possibly worn by people who are around me, why does it have to have a print that is SO OBVIOUS that I would stop and look at it again? Why is your surname SOOOO popular that even shirts have it as designs? I can't imagine myself being disturbed again by these foolishness but at that exact moment, I felt the rush of some sort of miracle or a divine intervention that have occurred.

Minsan natanong ko.. bakit ka pa nagpaparamdam hanggang ngayon? Ano ba ang nagawa ko para gawin mo ang mga bagay na 'to? May kailangan ba akong malaman kaya't pilit na pinapaalala ka sa akin ng tadhana?

I am still confused. I am having second thoughts about those signs.. whether all these are purposely made by the Lord for me to hang on to something that I never even had in the first place.


With all these signs shown to me... I don't know which way to go.. what path to take... If only these signs would REALLY talk to me.. If only you would talk to me..

I'm preparing myself for the next manifestations that are sure to appear and haunt me in this coming semester.. I just wish this Ghost would stop sending signs. I just wish this Ghost would tell me personally what should be told.

Wanted: Ghostbusters......

Still and will always be

Trying to forget you is just a waste of TIME.


I've realized that no matter how hard one tries, the wonderful memories will always be hard to erase.


The right time is coming soon....

at a loss for words

im currently amazed. in awe. and thankful. but at the same time, wishful and reflective of the year that was... of everything that have happened when the sun and the stars looked differently.. as I was so ecstatic about my life and that one individual who made a difference...


I'm happy for my bestfriend. She finally found the answers to her BECAUSE (if those really are). It's really God's plan why we were made TWINS not physically but emotionally. For us to have this Yin and Yang relationship.

I have wished for some revelation to happen..when the signs were so demanding of my attention... I have hoped that I was the one, or perhaps, someone lucky to be part of that world.. but unfortunately, these did not happen.

On the brighter side, my twin just had her wish granted. I do hope things turn out right for you, twin... and I'm just here if you need me.

It has almost been a year now...since I could remember those unforgettable times when I became inspired and all that; when I would seize the moments...cherish every second of my life.. All these memories are what's left of me now.. All my "signs" and my wishes were thoughts that have eventually evaporated in the cold air that suffocates me in all my "imaginations".

My distorted reality starts to come to an end... I'm praying to God that I'll continue recovering but no... I'm still the crazy, dreamy person that I am.

Then again, enough of my weird and impossible thoughts. What's important is Twin's happy (or overwhelmed) and I'm also happy and content with that.

I'll always be here twin. Just call me and I'll be there.


(but i still look back, though)....

My celeb look-alikes

hahaha.. try this one too! :)

check this video! ASLA batch 5 Graduation Night

Thanks to Claire for this vid!! :)

BECAUSE

After a 5-day congress of the Ateneo Student Leaders' Assembly, there have been so many thoughts about my existence.. my mission, and my lifelong dreams... and as I recall, the fun and the sentimental moments that happened from Oct. 23-27 will be all part of the clues in answering my questions and speculations.

The congress gave so much input in my life, not only in terms of being a LEADER but also a Follower of God's teachings.

I learned so many things. So many questions were asked and until now, some of those are still unanswered. Though I know, for me, it's just a matter of time that I'll be able to understand my confusion. I have yet to know a LOT and discover my world. I'm thankful for all who were part of ASLA because I'm a different person NOW.

The most important word that I've realized: BECAUSE. Sir Pagsi's talk provided so many quotes that are deeply connected in my life. His stories moved me and I have been thinking of this BECAUSE and all of the purposes I have in my life. But as of now, I guess I'll continue my Passion and dreams of serving, leading, and inspiring people through music and biology.

Thanks to everyone who were there for me, supported my music, and listened to my stories and insights. My small group: Pau, Melai, William and Chummy. I want to thank all the members of the "horny balls group" (god, i still am laughing about our Blue Team's name!) for the group effort you've all given during the ASLAmazing Challenge and for all the activities we did. Thanks to the CORE group especially my facis, Maja, Kira and Nash for supporting and believing in us. I am so glad to have met you all in this lifetime and I hope to see you all soon.

I miss ASLA already and I promise to live up to my dreams starting now on my 6th day.

Here's my song just for ASLA. It's entitled Magkaisa Tayo. I hope you like it.


Sa buhay natin ngayon
maraming hirap ang nararanasan
ang kulang lang sa'tin ay
pagtitiyaga at pag-asang tunay

Bakit nga ba may mga tanong
na hanggang ngayon ay di pa nasasagot?
Kailangan nga bang sagutin
para may kabuluhan ang buhay natin?

CHORUS:

Magkaisa tayo sa ating pagbabago
Magtulungan tayo para may matanto
Magbigayan tayo para sa'ting bukas
Magtiwala sa Diyos, siya ang ating lakas

BRIDGE:

Paano tayo kikilos?
Saan tayo magsisimula?
Kaibigan, wag nang mahiya
pagkat tayo'y nagkakaisa!

Repeat Chorus 2x

Coda: siya ang ating..... lakas....


Godspeed everyone. Live the passion. Courage to Lead.

overloaded

We had our 1st GA today for ASLA (Ateneo Student Leaders Assembly) and it was fun interacting with other student leaders and have one objective: Service through Leadership.

Even though I was so stressed and worried for my 2 Chem Quizzes earlier this morning and also my Biosystematics Lab Exam, it's amazing how I still had the chance to have fun and get to know other people through ASLA.

We'll be having the Congress on the 1st week of the sembreak, and we all can't wait till this damn crazy sem ends.

As for the SERIOUS issues, here are the things I have to prepare for the coming days and weeks:

1. Western History Long Test 3 on Monday
   
2. 2 Chem Quizzes again on Monday
3. Botany Lab Long Test 3 on Tuesday
4. Theo Closing Ritual on Tuesday
5. Chem Long Test 4 on Wednesday
6. Biostatistics Finals/LT 5 on Friday
7. Biosystematics Lab Long Quiz on Birds
   
8. History Finals (if ever) on Monday, Oct. 16
9. Theo Finals (because there's no exemption because it's a cumulative exam! :(( ) - Oct. 17
10. Botany Lec LT 3/Final exam on Wed, Oct. 18
11. Chem Finals on Wed, Oct. 18 ALSO!!! Damn it.
12. Biosystematics Presentation of the Major Project on Oct. 20
    
13. Botany FINAL PRESENTATION (tentative sched on Oct. 20)

and on Oct. 23-27: ASLA Congress of Batch 2006.

Oh my, if only there's more than 24 hours in a day... it's crunch time. No more space for MEDIOCRITY.

God be with me.

wishful thinking and all that

it seems like i've been blogging since God knows when.

I've been dying to have this time of blogging but I have no choice except steal some 5 or 10 minutes of my study time (or even my bedtime) because I just feel the need of expressing myself and the things that have occurred.

There's only one thing that I have been wishing ever since the past weeks....

I just wish this sem would already end.

What the heck, 2 weeks more of dying because of pressure, stress, sudden rush of emotions and IT IS OVER; if only I could be more productive in the coming days.

I've got so many tasks to finish.. articles to read, projects to pass and lots more. God, when can I be free of all these?? My sembreak's going to be busy as well because of the ASLA congress (that I suppose I'm part of because one of the heads texted me about the GA). Im happy and thankful that I'll be part of the ASLA convention but I do hope it'll not be tiring.

On a lighter note, JC Chasez just released his new single Until Yesterday and I've been hearing a lot of good feedback about this. Check it out some time! I personally can say that this has been another "JC" music--one that's complete with energy, life, style and class. The upbeat tempo made it much more interesting albeit the not-so-wholesome lyrics. Then again, you have to hear it! This is included in his sophomore album which will be released early next year.

I almost forgot, the Ateneo Blue Eagles lost the championship a while ago. It was one tough job for the team but unfortunately, the referees were really on the UST side. I don't want to sound like I'm sourgraping or what, but it was shown evidently when most calls were against Ateneo. I admit, UST played well and made a good job in guarding the Blue Eagles but it was also evident that the Ateneo players were excellent as well. Perhaps it was just Ateneo's time to win. I still am proud of being an Atenean not only because of these players but because of the strong determination of every Atenean in the community. (WIN OR LOSE, IT'S THE SCHOOL WE CHOOSE! =) )

And one last note, I do hope all the victims of the Typhoon Milenyo will be able to recover soon. I also had a hard time waiting for the dsl to work again because of our stupid phoneline which didn't have dial tone for almost 3 days. Thank God it's back now.


God be with us always.

what have happened

It has been a long time since I've updated this blog, or at least wrote the things that have happened in my life.

I've watched Gary V's concert entitled Gary@23 at the Music Museum last August 31 and it was really really worth the time and most importantly the experience. I was with my mom enjoying his performance. Pictures have been posted in my multiply. Truly, Gary's energy has never faded. He is still the Pure Energy that we all know, together with his son, Gab who also did a very good job in performing and putting a fabulous show that night. It ended late already but nevertheless, I still enjoyed and that night completely erased my sadness and inspired me once again. After a very long time of supporting Gary V, I can indeed say that he will always be the best in his own field and in his own way. Nobody can ever copy the original Gary. If you haven't seen the concert series, stay tuned for the TV delayed telecast soon.

Aside from this special event, our biosystematics class went to Avilon Zoo last Sunday, September 3. We had loads of fun moments, bonding sessions and funny experiences together with those animals that we have visited. I can't believe that despite the long walks, I didn't actually feel tired...perhaps it was because we enjoyed each other's company. Aside from the fun moments, it was unexpected that we would receive a bad news that our TNT, Nikki Castro, passed away because of heart failure due to leukemia..

When I went home, I can't deny the fact that I felt his presence. I have felt Nikki's soul, watching over me. The cold chills, the smell of a burning candle... I have experienced and I must admit, I was scared. I couldn't concentrate when I was studying for a Chem Long test the very next day at 7:30 in the morning. Thankfully, my mom was there to accompany me in my room and I was relieved.

The prayers helped me a lot when I have asked for God's guidance, and after that, I was feeling a lot better. It was also a good thing when I asked for Nikki's guidance and help for my Chem Long test and thankfully, the test was not that difficult albeit my lack of studying and concentration on the subject matter. It was smooth-sailing and much easier than the 1st long test.

It's also a good thing that my schedule is not that hectic already; still I have loads of readings and studies to complete but all these will be properly scheduled.

Oh, and one relevant lesson that Gary shared at his concert: "If you feel you've already carried too much load, shake off anything that's not needed in your life. If it's not your problem in the first place, just SHAKE IT OFF."



Please pray for Nikki's soul, that he may now be one with the Lord Almighty, and be rest in peace. Thank you, Nikki for everything! May you be together with Jesus, now and forever.

because my sister shared this very emotional site

a very sentimental site indeed.

Take a look at this.  It'll bring tears to your eyes and remind you
of
your parent's love.

     http://parentswish.com/index.html

YOU can do something to help Guimaras

TV Patrol had a short clip about human hair as a solution for oil spills after giving news about the Guimaras catastrophe. This is very interesting. Did you know that around 1.4 million pounds of hair can 'adsorb' (not absorb, but adsorb - 11 million gallons of crude oil?! Just think how all the salons in the country can help out. Even barbershops. This is a non-expensive, very feasible way of helping out.

Someone just died from inhaling too much of the fumes from the oil spill.

Read more about hair and oil-spills HERE.

CUT IT FOR A CAUSE!

You can donate your hair to help clean the Guimaras waters!!! Please click here for the full story. Time is very precious and the oil slick is spreading so fast that we must take a part in helping out.

Reyes Haircutters are collecting hair and will be delivering them to the disaster area. Philippine International Hairdressers Association is also helping out to address the issue.

So chop it off, cut it out, get new bangs! Go to any Reyes Haircutter branch or the main branch in Anonas, Quezon City, or call +63 2 9136252.

Please do repost this message on your blogs, LJs, Multiply or Friendster bulletin boards. Let's do our part.

drained and disappointed

After a very long and meticulous presentation for botany lab, I feel I don't have the drive of becoming a Bio major anymore. Is it because of our very strict professor? Is it because of the topic? Or is it just because I can't take all these anymore??? The stress and pressure as well as tension due to the shortage of time is really consuming all the motor cells that are left in my head. I don't know if I can still survive the hell that is Botany and perhaps aim to get the grade I've wanted for a long time now.

I still have many things to do for other subjects... but here I am, blogging and ranting about what happened earlier. I know I can do this. IF ONLY the tide would swing to my favor.

It's just very difficult to please everyone. Even though (our) best was poured and the efforts were shown already, still there is no appreciation or at least some "consuelo de bobo" for that matter. I just hope God still gives me the strength to continue striving for the best despite this failure to please and give the maximum effort for the presentation.

On a lighter note, I still am thankful that God still continues to shower me with his graces..as I was accepted in the COA Executive team. It's such an honor to be part of the executive board and serve the school through this council. I'll be meeting my fellow members tomorrow and I'm hoping my desperation (for botany) will diminish and this meeting will change my mood for the rest of the week.

It's work for me now. I have to drain myself once more.

a survey from zel..

Good heavens! I didn't expect my score would turn out so high! haha.. but I'm still NOT a nerd. :-)

How nerdy are you?? put an X in all the boxes that apply to you...

ADD THEM ALL UP AND MULTIPLY BY 3.34..you get the percentage of how nerdy you are!!

then post "im __% nerdy

[ ] you wear/own a pair of glasses

[x ] you've played some sort of video game 5

Hours straight

[ ] you have GI Joes or toy dinosaurs

[ ] you pack your lunch to school

[ x] reading books are fun

[ x] you go to the library to "hang out"

[ x]you get good grades

[ x] you've corrected people's grammar

[ ] math class rocks!

[ x] you've told someone a joke and nobody laughed

[x ] you like eating chinese food with chopsticks

[ x] you've won the spelling bee

[ ] girls/boys have cooties!

[ x] you've watched t.v for 4 hours straight

[x ] sports are just not my thing

[ ] you have/had a pet tarantula, snake, and/or

lizard

[] you cried because you got an F on

something

[x ] your homework is ALWAYS turned in on

time

[ ] your NEVER late for class

[ ] spiderman is the coolest superhero

[ x] you corrected the teacher

[x ] you want to be a doctor or surgeon when you grow up

[ ] you have a napolean dynamite t-shirt

[ x] you always have a pen or pencil for class

[ x] you're an honor student

[ ] you've never cheated on a test/quiz

[x] I dont care about my looks...I have school work

to worry about!

[x ] your in band

[ ] you've tripped and fallen in the hallway

[ ] spiders and bugs are way cool!

total: 16x 3.34=53.44%

damn. haha, i should relax and take a break! :-)

a random thought

Just a thought:

Don't wanna be forever blue, 'coz I deserve some love that's true...finding it the hard way and wishing for it everyday... I guess I was wrong to WANT you.. coz I'm afraid, I'm afraid to be forever blue...

**And by the way, this is such a nice song.. especially during those rainy days. Go figure.

Have to study now.

drained. dead tired.

So many things to do, so many deadlines to meet.... yet so little time for all of these.

Aside from the academics, orgs and other extracurricular requirements are also very demanding of time. Damn. Not to mention, the NSTP also consumes A LOT of my free time as well as my rest and study time. Oh well, I guess almost everybody feels the same way! Then again, we have to comply with these. There's nothing that we can do about it.

Sometimes it crosses my mind to just stop thinking about the hell of all these.... unfortunately, I just can't for a lot of reasons. I simply just can't.

It's like I feel I have this obligation that if I don't meet my own objectives, I feel weak and pathetic. I think I'm not deserving of any blessing that God gives me. I know it's just me who's really torturing myself, but I don't have any style of disciplining and putting order in my life..

Oh God.

The stress-o-meter is about to explode.

I have to focus now. FOCUS. That's more like it.

I'm off to doing another work. No rest for me until this semester ends.

"beware"

I don't really know if this is true but hey, better watch out. We don't want to risk our lives just because of some chocolate.
-------------

BBC NEWS
Cadbury salmonella scare probed
An investigation is under way after Cadbury withdrew a million chocolate bars which may have been contaminated with a rare strain of salmonella.

The company says the recall - while the Food Standards Agency and the Health Protection Agency investigate - is precautionary and that the risk is low.

But a bacteriologist says there is no safe level for salmonella in chocolate.

The possible contamination has been traced to a leaking pipe at a Cadbury's plant in Herefordshire in January.

Samples were sent to an independent laboratory after the leak was discovered at the Marlbrook plant, and the montevideo strain of salmonella was identified.

Government watchdog the Health Protection Agency (HPA) confirmed the strain and, a week ago, the Food Standards Agency (FSA) was alerted.


AFFECTED CHOCOLATE PRODUCTS
Dairy Milk Turkish 250g
Dairy Milk Caramel
Dairy Milk Mint bars
Dairy Milk 8 chunk
Dairy Milk 1kg bar
Dairy Milk Buttons Easter Egg 105g
10p Freddo bar

On Monday, Cadbury officially informed the FSA of the possible contamination of the seven products.

The 250g Dairy Milk Turkish, Dairy Milk Caramel and Dairy Milk Mint bars, the Dairy Milk 8 chunk and the 1kg Dairy Milk bar are among products affected.

The 105g Dairy Milk Buttons Easter Egg and the Freddo bar were also affected.

'Precautionary measure'

Cadbury's European president Matthew Shattock told BBC Radio 4's Today programme the recall decision was made after the FSA revealed there had been an increase in the number of salmonella cases this year.

"We decided to conduct a precautionary recall to reassure our consumers and the public at large to minimise any confusion as to the quality of our products," he said.

Salmonella is a common cause of food poisoning but the montevideo strain is very rare.

There have been 45 cases in the UK in the last four months, compared with just 12 in the same period last year.

But a Health Protection Agency spokeswoman stressed that at the moment there was no evidence for a link between the increase in cases and the Cadbury recall.

The levels are significantly below the standard that would be any health problem
Cadbury spokesman

Mr Shattock said the firm was "absolutely satisfied" its products were safe to eat.

"We identified a problem early. We corrected it and fixed it," he said.

Cadbury said the levels of contamination were "significantly below the standard that would be any health problem".

It said people who had eaten one of the affected bars should not be worried about the risks but could contact the company for a refund.

However, bacteriologist Professor Hugh Pennington of Aberdeen University told BBC News that the only safe level of salmonella in chocolate was "zero".

"The fat in chocolate actually preserves the salmonella from the normal intestinal defences, so you don't have to eat very many salmonellas to get infected.

"It's about a thousand times less than if you're eating it from traditional sources like meats," he said.

The factory at Marlbrook generates 97,000 tonnes of milk chocolate crumb every year.

It processes 180 million litres of fresh milk, 56,000 tonnes of sugar and 13,000 tonnes of cocoa liquor annually in the production process.

The crumb is transported to other sites at Bournville, near Birmingham, and Somerdale, near Bristol, to be blended with cocoa butter and turned into milk chocolate.

A Cadbury spokesman said the company had been manufacturing chocolate for more than 100 years and always treated public wellbeing as its "highest priority".

Story from BBC NEWS:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/1/hi/uk/5112470.stm

Published: 2006/06/24 16:22:46 GMT

© BBC MMVI

hell week still not over

Thank God I'm still alive after this very very tough week.

This was the first time in my college life that I've had my long tests per subject for almost everyday! My only rest was Monday, but Tuesday was for Botany Lab, Biostat for Wednesday, Botany Lecture last Thursday, and the most terrible schedule was Chem, which was at 7:30 a.m. today (Friday). I cannot imagine how I managed to remain "alive" albeit the miserable schedule and heavy load.

At least I'm half-way done with all these. I still got History to worry for Monday's long test and perhaps finish reading and documenting my Biosystematics exercises for this coming week.

On another note, I'm thankful that I still have time for some extra-curricular activities. I'm glad that I'm still included in the ADS and perhaps ((AMP)) as well. I'm hoping for the best about my COA Executive board application and also for either LEaD or ASLA applications.

And oh, before I almost forget.. it's really amazing how our biostat professor returns our long tests right after we took it! Thank God for the bonuses, I managed to ace my first Biostat long test. The Lord is truly amazing.

Lastly, I hate it when NSTP really consumes all my time every Saturday and how ADS would schedule a meeting/training this Sunday because it can't be during Saturday because of this NSTP that's allotted for Saturday also. Oh well.. this is required so I've got nothing to do about it. One word to best describe all these: MAGIS. (Haha, what the heck.. if that's really followed by the norm)

That's about it..for now. Until next time.

alas, the joys.

I cannot let this day end without writing something about it because it was just one of the best days one could ever ask for whenever one is in the state of too much pressure and stress.

Don't you just love it whenever things go your way? I know that not everything can be of one's control, but at least for some of those stuff- they would be definitely good.

Today had been one hell of a day had I not received the rewards God bestowed on me. This was the FIRST, AND CAN I REPEAT, FIRST time that I had skipped class- which was Chem 7 at 730 in the morning. I just wasn't feeling well not to mention the fact that I was already 5 minutes late. I had to CUT this class and I was prepared of missing anything even if that was a quiz basically because I wasn't really feeling PREPARED; albeit my cramming of the homework that I just knew the night before. Did this ever happen to you, when you just don't want to go to this subject and you ARE NOT really WILLING to attend it so much so that you DID NOT GIVE A DAMN ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED?? That was what I felt for my first subject.

Yeah, you might say it was a pretty much GREAT START for a NEW DAY. I had my Biostatistics subject right next to Chem, which started at 830 a.m. I think I was late for a minute but fortunately, thank God there was no quiz because the assignment was answered correctly (we had a deal that if the hmwk was answered incorrectly, then we would have the quiz). And in the latter part of the class, we had this "contest" that would give us the PLUS 5 POINTS IF WE ANSWERED FIRST AND IF ALL OUR ANSWERS WERE CORRECT. Thank God, we were the first ones to pass the paper and we just had to hope that all our answers were correct.

Anyways, after that biostat class, our history was really A-OK. Sir gave us back our papers about the movie and I was not expecting for a high grade but when he gave me my paper, I just had to shout and express my happiness at the back of the room on my seat (exclaiming that God has been so good to me) and what have you. I was really happy to get the ALAS I wanted.

Biosystematics was really tiring because we had to explore the forests and the inside world of the Ateneo vis-a-vis create a documentation that would provide evidence for the scientific names we were about to study.

All in all, this day gave me those thrills albeit the pressure that I was experiencing because of my HELL week starting on Tuesday until Friday next week.

I thank the Lord for such day. It was indeed an awesome one.

Have to take a nap now...au revoir.

ecstatic and euphoric.

This is the first time that I've ever felt so relieved and ecstatic.

When it was announced that there will be no classes tomorrow, I JUST HAD TO SCREAM MY HEART OUT AND SPREAD THE WORD.

God is so good. I really love Jesus. Here are just some of the things why I feel God has been giving me so many blessings:

1. Botany lecture was cancelled because of certain reminders from our professor. (I needed this time to practice my debate speech)

2. Chem long test was moved to Friday next week instead of this week's Friday. (I hated that but oh well..at least I have lots of time for studying)

3. Classes were suspended today at 11:30 am so I didn't have my PE class anymore in the afternoon! (This meant more time for ADS essay and research)

and LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST

3. CLASSES ARE SUSPENDED for tomorrow, Thursday, July 13, 2006 FOR ALL PUBLIC AND PRIVATE SCHOOLS OF THE NCR, CAR, & REGIONS 1-4. How amazing can this be!?!?

I had really been very very hectic these past few days. Hooray for these news. More time to study, more time to relax, and more time to enjoy these blessings God has given us!

Thank God.

what you won't do for love

I guess you wonder where I've been
I searched to find a love within
I came back to let you know
Got a thing for you and I can't let go

My friends wonder what is wrong with me
Well I'm in a daze from your love, you see
I came back to let you know
Got a thing for you and I can't let go

Some people go around the world for love
But they may never find what they dream of
What you won't do, do for love
You've tried everything but you don't give up
In my world only you makes me do
For love what I would not do

My friends wonder what is wrong with me
Well I'm in a daze from your love, you see
I came back to let you know
Got a thing for you and I can't let go
But then I only want the best it's true
They can't believe the things I do for you
What you won't do, do for love
You've tried everything but you don't give up
In my world, only you makes me do
For love what I would not do
Makes me do for love what I would not do

just check Bobby Caldwell's song: What you won't do for love. I just realized this song's relevance in my life even though I've been hearing this ever since my mom introduced it to me when I was in high school.

Au revoir.

XVIII. Dieciocho.

This was pretty much how my friends made my birthday a very memorable one.

Lots of pictures, lots of bonding moments, everything that happened were perfectly at the right place and at the right time albeit the extremely hectic schedule for classes (the hell that is called BOTANY LAB)....

It wasn't the conventional "debut" celebration, nor was it the typical party or gathering but rather a very simple get-together with the very special people in my college life. I was so damn lucky to have spent my 18th birthday with them and indeed, no time was wasted.

It was even funny that after a very ecstatic moment, even my botany classmates (fyi: the freshies) greeted me and sang the b-day song just before our professor arrived! Thanks, guys. It was quite unexpected but I really appreciate it... :-)

After a lot of things that have transpired today at school, it was time for me to celebrate this blessed day with my family-the best people in my life. Once again, a simple dinner and talk with the family- mom, dad, and my lola. Things were just normal but of course I just can't help thinking that I've already spent 18 years of existence together with them and I'm obviously looking forward to spending many more years with all of my loved ones in the future.

To sum everything up, this day was one of the best times of my life. The bond formed with friends, the relationships that have grown over time and the love that we've found in each other...all these are enough to make me happy more than anything or any luxury a human could ever have. God has been so good to give me all of you to better help me understand the reason of my existence.

I'm blessed. I'm loved. I'm thankful. I love you all.

*Oh, to those who gave me gifts, THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH! I appreciate your thoughtfulness! God bless everyone.

fulfillment once again

While I was watching TV at about 1 in the morning, I scanned the channels and stopped at HBO and saw The American President being shown again. Oh, I just couldn't help but watch it again because of its very appealing plot, not to mention its cast who were just so awesome.

It has a very simple storyline but was very well played by the actors especially Michael Douglas and Annette Benning. They were truly fitted for their own roles vis-a-vis their chemistry together. Michael Douglas, the President (Andy Shepherd) fell in love with a lady from a surveying company, Annette Benning (Sidney Wade) during the campaign period.

How lovely and romantic it is for Sidney Wade to have a boyfriend who is just the President of the United States. Even though he was very busy with all his projects and meetings, he still had the chance to fall in love and be a normal person for just one moment of his entire hectic life. The portrayal of the characters moved me and my view of love in a way that it has really touched my ego because their relationship were so controversial and too many people wanted to destroy it.

Indeed, the movie was compelling. It was entertaining and even more exciting because of the fact that a President falls for this ordinary woman and how he managed to strengthen their relationship vis-a-vis the election campaign. It's a very good movie that even though it's a bit old already, it definitely should be seen.

I'm so fulfilled to have seen it again. It's already 3:18 in the morning and I just can't help but write about it because I was so overwhelmed when I watched this film again.

It's time to sleep...Good night.

Against Forgetting

Have you ever experienced that syndrome most people refer to as LSS or the Last Song Syndrome? I assume that you or almost all of us have gone through such experience already- that we cannot erase a certain song in our heads and it keeps on repeating and repeating until we are so sick of it already.

I myself also have encountered this for so many times now and whenever I hear the songs being played back again, lots of memories come back to life once more. The past goes back and each memory that is attached to it suddenly refreshes those happy and fun times...but the sad and miserable moments are oftentimes what are reflected by the songs.... about the hurtful chapters of my acquaintance with rar.

Many times have I already tried not to get affected by the songs or anything that makes me remember rar but look, writing this blog is an evidence of my memory about it that continues to bother me and prolong this insanity. I've done a lot and i mean A LOT of things just to erase the bad and forget all about it already. I tried so hard just to divert my thoughts but things got much worse. I had let myself get lost in the abyss of my mind...searching and reminiscing those days that we have left behind.

I just don't understand why I can't get RAR out of my head. It's like I've been having this LSS for a very long time already and it just drives me crazy...the only difference is, I want these thoughts (the good ones) to last and just erase the bad and unwanted ones for good. Of course, I know that would be impossible but I just want to get rid of this "LSS" of mine once and for all before anything worse happens.

The trouble with this so-called LSS is the fact that one becomes a bit of a crazy fool as he keeps on singing and repeating the song all over again. As for me, I, perhaps have become one as well- I would repeat my encounters and everything associated with it whenever I am with friends. I know it's bugging them to hear that I've had this thing AGAIN with rar but I just can't help it! I don't know why...Oh, God. Why have I gone crazy about it? Why does this have a very strong effect on me? This mild paranoia now becomes severe and what's worse, I don't have a cure for it...yet.

Come to think of it, I know Rar doesn't want to remember me anymore BUT why do I still let myself think of it? Why do I let this pain continue to hurt me? Damn. If only life would have invented that memory eraser then I would have not experienced this agony in the first place. As I began to remember that movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, there was this technology that they had used for the two main characters about memory-erasing. Recalling this, a popular line from the movie Brokeback Mountain which states, "I wish I knew when to QUIT you." Going back, I haven't found the best remedy for this problem yet but I'm still working it out. Anybody willing to give me a hand? It'll be really appreciated...

As I began to think, DO I REALLY HAVE TO FORGET TO MOVE ON? There are many ways on how one can stop and continue to live a life. I'm not that desperate over such fool but the effect on me is so strong that I become too complex as a person whenever I try to understand this. It may not seem complicated but my emotions have already been affected. My ego has already been wounded and the sorrow continues to live on. Truly, the heart is uncontrollable that even the mind can't control it.

Sometimes I try to ask myself if what I did before were all appropriate...the what-ifs and the could-have-beens began to fill my mind... Would it matter anyway if I told rar how much I long to be more than the ordinary person that I really am for it? Maybe, maybe not. Then again, the past is the past. I cannot turn back the hands of time and whether I like it or not, I have to face tomorrow and try to move on.

I don't really understand if I would want to keep these memories concerning rar or delete these permanently. Forgetting is so hard and this confusion would perhaps stay until God knows when. As of now, I continue to be against forgetting the times when we were together albeit the misery that it has brought in my life.

I have to wake up. I have to face reality. I have to.

Waiting forever

As I was listening to Gary V's latest album, Relevance, so many things have I realized. I know I could not turn back the hands of time anymore for the past will always be the past. Time is so brutal that we cannot even stop or control it nor change what have transpired already.

But do we really have a choice? Do we really have to feel bad about the time that has gone?

When I first heard the song Wait Forever by the one and only Mr. Pure Energy, my heart leaped for joy. I never knew that song could make one's heart fantasize about someone serenading her and spilling out truthfully those 3 sweetest words.

And if that person would be the "right" one, then it's a dream that has come true. Unfortunately, most of the people that I know (including me) are still hoping..waiting for that very moment they call serendipity--everything happening at the right place and at the right time.

What if that time still doesn't come? What if it's already too late and here we are, still waiting for the chance... Will it be worth the wait? Will we just waste our time not knowing that there's really no such thing as forever in the first place?

Questions like those do not just end there. Many questions are still unanswered until now and as for me, I guess I just have to wait forever for that one to happen.

Just like what Gary's song said, "I could hold on for a hundred years, when all else is gone I would still be here...In a memory of things yet unseen, I'd remember all that we've never been and I cannot wait to see what life has in store for me...IN ANOTHER LIFETIME."

Yes, perhaps it's really better to wait and see that we could be together in another lifetime as I take the ones I'd missed and make you mine, if only for a time. Life would really matter in another lifetime when I see both of us, sharing our dreams and wishes for each other. Ahh, all these wishful thoughts could make me close my eyes and....sigh. Too bad these wouldn't happen now. What wasn't meant to be isn't meant for now but someday will probably be the time, the serendipity that we will be waiting for...

It's funny how these thoughts could go places. It's such a wonder how I can think that you would be mine but until that time is now, I'd be always holding on somehow...holding on to forever until another lifetime.....

If only this lifetime is now then I wouldn't have to wait forever and continue to reminisce the times when we were together. These dreams will remain and stay in my heart for as long as I can still remember how I fell for you as if you were a wish that was granted.

Deep inside this heart, I know the pain that has been caused by all these thoughts, yet, I still hold on for I believe that there will always be that SERENDIPITY--only in God's own time. It might be today, tomorrow or the other day ahead. Or maybe it will be never.

Oh well... I'll just have to keep on waiting.

new original song: Tanto

This is dedicated to my twin who is my inspiration in composing again a brand new song.

The chords and the title, Tanto was made by a good friend of mine, the magician himself- Carlos Palma. He asked me to make the lyrics for it and fortunately, I've also included the melody as well as the bridge. Thanks, Carlos! I really enjoyed making the song. I'll try to record it for you to check it out. Below are just the lyrics of the song. Enjoy!

Tanto

Verse and Chorus Chords by Carlos Palma
Lyrics, Melody and Bridge Chords by Sassy Guerrero

Nais kong sabihin sa'yo
ang tunay na damdamin kong ito
Di mapaliwanag ang nararamdaman
sa tuwing ika'y nakikita, ako'y nasasaktan

Refrain: Bakit di mo maisip
na puso ko'y nagdurugo?
nais kang makasama
ngunit ito'y di mo tanto..

Chorus: Hindi mo batid
ang nadarama ko para sa'yo
Hindi mo alam
nais kong magkapiling tayo
Hindi mo ramdam
ang hirap na nararanasan ko
Hindi mo tanto..
na may gusto ako sa'yo

Sana ay malaman mo
sa awiting ito, ipapahayag ko
hanggang ngayo'y hinihintay ko pa rin
na sabihin mong may nadarama ka rin sa'kin....

Repeat Refrain then Chorus

Bridge: May mangyayari kaya
kung aaminin ko sa'yo
ang nadarama kong ito?
ngunit....


Repeat Refrain then Chorus 2x

copyright June 3, 2006

Feel free to tell me what you think about it! :-)

blog regenerated

A fresh new start for my blogspot.

I've finally edited this although the posts will still be similar to my posts in my own site and my multiply. Just browse through the links and perhaps you could comment here if you have time.

I'm just another blogger, spilling out my thoughts online.

Hope you liked my original design, thanks to my psycho friend and to Carlos for the amazing photograph.

Keep posted.