XVIII. Dieciocho.

This was pretty much how my friends made my birthday a very memorable one.

Lots of pictures, lots of bonding moments, everything that happened were perfectly at the right place and at the right time albeit the extremely hectic schedule for classes (the hell that is called BOTANY LAB)....

It wasn't the conventional "debut" celebration, nor was it the typical party or gathering but rather a very simple get-together with the very special people in my college life. I was so damn lucky to have spent my 18th birthday with them and indeed, no time was wasted.

It was even funny that after a very ecstatic moment, even my botany classmates (fyi: the freshies) greeted me and sang the b-day song just before our professor arrived! Thanks, guys. It was quite unexpected but I really appreciate it... :-)

After a lot of things that have transpired today at school, it was time for me to celebrate this blessed day with my family-the best people in my life. Once again, a simple dinner and talk with the family- mom, dad, and my lola. Things were just normal but of course I just can't help thinking that I've already spent 18 years of existence together with them and I'm obviously looking forward to spending many more years with all of my loved ones in the future.

To sum everything up, this day was one of the best times of my life. The bond formed with friends, the relationships that have grown over time and the love that we've found in each other...all these are enough to make me happy more than anything or any luxury a human could ever have. God has been so good to give me all of you to better help me understand the reason of my existence.

I'm blessed. I'm loved. I'm thankful. I love you all.

*Oh, to those who gave me gifts, THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH! I appreciate your thoughtfulness! God bless everyone.

fulfillment once again

While I was watching TV at about 1 in the morning, I scanned the channels and stopped at HBO and saw The American President being shown again. Oh, I just couldn't help but watch it again because of its very appealing plot, not to mention its cast who were just so awesome.

It has a very simple storyline but was very well played by the actors especially Michael Douglas and Annette Benning. They were truly fitted for their own roles vis-a-vis their chemistry together. Michael Douglas, the President (Andy Shepherd) fell in love with a lady from a surveying company, Annette Benning (Sidney Wade) during the campaign period.

How lovely and romantic it is for Sidney Wade to have a boyfriend who is just the President of the United States. Even though he was very busy with all his projects and meetings, he still had the chance to fall in love and be a normal person for just one moment of his entire hectic life. The portrayal of the characters moved me and my view of love in a way that it has really touched my ego because their relationship were so controversial and too many people wanted to destroy it.

Indeed, the movie was compelling. It was entertaining and even more exciting because of the fact that a President falls for this ordinary woman and how he managed to strengthen their relationship vis-a-vis the election campaign. It's a very good movie that even though it's a bit old already, it definitely should be seen.

I'm so fulfilled to have seen it again. It's already 3:18 in the morning and I just can't help but write about it because I was so overwhelmed when I watched this film again.

It's time to sleep...Good night.

Against Forgetting

Have you ever experienced that syndrome most people refer to as LSS or the Last Song Syndrome? I assume that you or almost all of us have gone through such experience already- that we cannot erase a certain song in our heads and it keeps on repeating and repeating until we are so sick of it already.

I myself also have encountered this for so many times now and whenever I hear the songs being played back again, lots of memories come back to life once more. The past goes back and each memory that is attached to it suddenly refreshes those happy and fun times...but the sad and miserable moments are oftentimes what are reflected by the songs.... about the hurtful chapters of my acquaintance with rar.

Many times have I already tried not to get affected by the songs or anything that makes me remember rar but look, writing this blog is an evidence of my memory about it that continues to bother me and prolong this insanity. I've done a lot and i mean A LOT of things just to erase the bad and forget all about it already. I tried so hard just to divert my thoughts but things got much worse. I had let myself get lost in the abyss of my mind...searching and reminiscing those days that we have left behind.

I just don't understand why I can't get RAR out of my head. It's like I've been having this LSS for a very long time already and it just drives me crazy...the only difference is, I want these thoughts (the good ones) to last and just erase the bad and unwanted ones for good. Of course, I know that would be impossible but I just want to get rid of this "LSS" of mine once and for all before anything worse happens.

The trouble with this so-called LSS is the fact that one becomes a bit of a crazy fool as he keeps on singing and repeating the song all over again. As for me, I, perhaps have become one as well- I would repeat my encounters and everything associated with it whenever I am with friends. I know it's bugging them to hear that I've had this thing AGAIN with rar but I just can't help it! I don't know why...Oh, God. Why have I gone crazy about it? Why does this have a very strong effect on me? This mild paranoia now becomes severe and what's worse, I don't have a cure for it...yet.

Come to think of it, I know Rar doesn't want to remember me anymore BUT why do I still let myself think of it? Why do I let this pain continue to hurt me? Damn. If only life would have invented that memory eraser then I would have not experienced this agony in the first place. As I began to remember that movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, there was this technology that they had used for the two main characters about memory-erasing. Recalling this, a popular line from the movie Brokeback Mountain which states, "I wish I knew when to QUIT you." Going back, I haven't found the best remedy for this problem yet but I'm still working it out. Anybody willing to give me a hand? It'll be really appreciated...

As I began to think, DO I REALLY HAVE TO FORGET TO MOVE ON? There are many ways on how one can stop and continue to live a life. I'm not that desperate over such fool but the effect on me is so strong that I become too complex as a person whenever I try to understand this. It may not seem complicated but my emotions have already been affected. My ego has already been wounded and the sorrow continues to live on. Truly, the heart is uncontrollable that even the mind can't control it.

Sometimes I try to ask myself if what I did before were all appropriate...the what-ifs and the could-have-beens began to fill my mind... Would it matter anyway if I told rar how much I long to be more than the ordinary person that I really am for it? Maybe, maybe not. Then again, the past is the past. I cannot turn back the hands of time and whether I like it or not, I have to face tomorrow and try to move on.

I don't really understand if I would want to keep these memories concerning rar or delete these permanently. Forgetting is so hard and this confusion would perhaps stay until God knows when. As of now, I continue to be against forgetting the times when we were together albeit the misery that it has brought in my life.

I have to wake up. I have to face reality. I have to.

Waiting forever

As I was listening to Gary V's latest album, Relevance, so many things have I realized. I know I could not turn back the hands of time anymore for the past will always be the past. Time is so brutal that we cannot even stop or control it nor change what have transpired already.

But do we really have a choice? Do we really have to feel bad about the time that has gone?

When I first heard the song Wait Forever by the one and only Mr. Pure Energy, my heart leaped for joy. I never knew that song could make one's heart fantasize about someone serenading her and spilling out truthfully those 3 sweetest words.

And if that person would be the "right" one, then it's a dream that has come true. Unfortunately, most of the people that I know (including me) are still hoping..waiting for that very moment they call serendipity--everything happening at the right place and at the right time.

What if that time still doesn't come? What if it's already too late and here we are, still waiting for the chance... Will it be worth the wait? Will we just waste our time not knowing that there's really no such thing as forever in the first place?

Questions like those do not just end there. Many questions are still unanswered until now and as for me, I guess I just have to wait forever for that one to happen.

Just like what Gary's song said, "I could hold on for a hundred years, when all else is gone I would still be here...In a memory of things yet unseen, I'd remember all that we've never been and I cannot wait to see what life has in store for me...IN ANOTHER LIFETIME."

Yes, perhaps it's really better to wait and see that we could be together in another lifetime as I take the ones I'd missed and make you mine, if only for a time. Life would really matter in another lifetime when I see both of us, sharing our dreams and wishes for each other. Ahh, all these wishful thoughts could make me close my eyes and....sigh. Too bad these wouldn't happen now. What wasn't meant to be isn't meant for now but someday will probably be the time, the serendipity that we will be waiting for...

It's funny how these thoughts could go places. It's such a wonder how I can think that you would be mine but until that time is now, I'd be always holding on somehow...holding on to forever until another lifetime.....

If only this lifetime is now then I wouldn't have to wait forever and continue to reminisce the times when we were together. These dreams will remain and stay in my heart for as long as I can still remember how I fell for you as if you were a wish that was granted.

Deep inside this heart, I know the pain that has been caused by all these thoughts, yet, I still hold on for I believe that there will always be that SERENDIPITY--only in God's own time. It might be today, tomorrow or the other day ahead. Or maybe it will be never.

Oh well... I'll just have to keep on waiting.

new original song: Tanto

This is dedicated to my twin who is my inspiration in composing again a brand new song.

The chords and the title, Tanto was made by a good friend of mine, the magician himself- Carlos Palma. He asked me to make the lyrics for it and fortunately, I've also included the melody as well as the bridge. Thanks, Carlos! I really enjoyed making the song. I'll try to record it for you to check it out. Below are just the lyrics of the song. Enjoy!

Tanto

Verse and Chorus Chords by Carlos Palma
Lyrics, Melody and Bridge Chords by Sassy Guerrero

Nais kong sabihin sa'yo
ang tunay na damdamin kong ito
Di mapaliwanag ang nararamdaman
sa tuwing ika'y nakikita, ako'y nasasaktan

Refrain: Bakit di mo maisip
na puso ko'y nagdurugo?
nais kang makasama
ngunit ito'y di mo tanto..

Chorus: Hindi mo batid
ang nadarama ko para sa'yo
Hindi mo alam
nais kong magkapiling tayo
Hindi mo ramdam
ang hirap na nararanasan ko
Hindi mo tanto..
na may gusto ako sa'yo

Sana ay malaman mo
sa awiting ito, ipapahayag ko
hanggang ngayo'y hinihintay ko pa rin
na sabihin mong may nadarama ka rin sa'kin....

Repeat Refrain then Chorus

Bridge: May mangyayari kaya
kung aaminin ko sa'yo
ang nadarama kong ito?
ngunit....


Repeat Refrain then Chorus 2x

copyright June 3, 2006

Feel free to tell me what you think about it! :-)

blog regenerated

A fresh new start for my blogspot.

I've finally edited this although the posts will still be similar to my posts in my own site and my multiply. Just browse through the links and perhaps you could comment here if you have time.

I'm just another blogger, spilling out my thoughts online.

Hope you liked my original design, thanks to my psycho friend and to Carlos for the amazing photograph.

Keep posted.