Against Forgetting

Have you ever experienced that syndrome most people refer to as LSS or the Last Song Syndrome? I assume that you or almost all of us have gone through such experience already- that we cannot erase a certain song in our heads and it keeps on repeating and repeating until we are so sick of it already.

I myself also have encountered this for so many times now and whenever I hear the songs being played back again, lots of memories come back to life once more. The past goes back and each memory that is attached to it suddenly refreshes those happy and fun times...but the sad and miserable moments are oftentimes what are reflected by the songs.... about the hurtful chapters of my acquaintance with rar.

Many times have I already tried not to get affected by the songs or anything that makes me remember rar but look, writing this blog is an evidence of my memory about it that continues to bother me and prolong this insanity. I've done a lot and i mean A LOT of things just to erase the bad and forget all about it already. I tried so hard just to divert my thoughts but things got much worse. I had let myself get lost in the abyss of my mind...searching and reminiscing those days that we have left behind.

I just don't understand why I can't get RAR out of my head. It's like I've been having this LSS for a very long time already and it just drives me crazy...the only difference is, I want these thoughts (the good ones) to last and just erase the bad and unwanted ones for good. Of course, I know that would be impossible but I just want to get rid of this "LSS" of mine once and for all before anything worse happens.

The trouble with this so-called LSS is the fact that one becomes a bit of a crazy fool as he keeps on singing and repeating the song all over again. As for me, I, perhaps have become one as well- I would repeat my encounters and everything associated with it whenever I am with friends. I know it's bugging them to hear that I've had this thing AGAIN with rar but I just can't help it! I don't know why...Oh, God. Why have I gone crazy about it? Why does this have a very strong effect on me? This mild paranoia now becomes severe and what's worse, I don't have a cure for it...yet.

Come to think of it, I know Rar doesn't want to remember me anymore BUT why do I still let myself think of it? Why do I let this pain continue to hurt me? Damn. If only life would have invented that memory eraser then I would have not experienced this agony in the first place. As I began to remember that movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, there was this technology that they had used for the two main characters about memory-erasing. Recalling this, a popular line from the movie Brokeback Mountain which states, "I wish I knew when to QUIT you." Going back, I haven't found the best remedy for this problem yet but I'm still working it out. Anybody willing to give me a hand? It'll be really appreciated...

As I began to think, DO I REALLY HAVE TO FORGET TO MOVE ON? There are many ways on how one can stop and continue to live a life. I'm not that desperate over such fool but the effect on me is so strong that I become too complex as a person whenever I try to understand this. It may not seem complicated but my emotions have already been affected. My ego has already been wounded and the sorrow continues to live on. Truly, the heart is uncontrollable that even the mind can't control it.

Sometimes I try to ask myself if what I did before were all appropriate...the what-ifs and the could-have-beens began to fill my mind... Would it matter anyway if I told rar how much I long to be more than the ordinary person that I really am for it? Maybe, maybe not. Then again, the past is the past. I cannot turn back the hands of time and whether I like it or not, I have to face tomorrow and try to move on.

I don't really understand if I would want to keep these memories concerning rar or delete these permanently. Forgetting is so hard and this confusion would perhaps stay until God knows when. As of now, I continue to be against forgetting the times when we were together albeit the misery that it has brought in my life.

I have to wake up. I have to face reality. I have to.