If there is one thing that makes work worthwhile amidst the monotonous research, analysis and eye strains, it would be the pressure that builds up within me. I've loved pressure even before I knew it existed, especially when the panic attacks I thought were crazy proved to be helpful in becoming even better in my past endeavors.
Today, I have once again proven that I indeed thrive under pressure. It's as if my neurons work faster (thanks to the stress) when there's a time limit. I remember back in College, I procrastinated simply for the rush that I've felt when doing a project or writing papers. But that rarely happened. I wasn't that confident enough that I could handle stress quite well so I became more of an obsessive-compulsive (commonly known as OC) with schedules and planners. However, today made me realize how I can really focus especially when it's somewhat a make or break situation. Nothing ever beats the pressure one imposes upon oneself just to prove that we can grow, improve, and evolve.
So lately, I have been thinking about our projects at work and how they never seem to end. I'm glad for all the productivity and responsibility given to me, but I would be a hypocrite if I didn't admit how I have been pondering on the future. Don't get me wrong, I am all for the living-in-the-moment, seizing-the-day idea, but I could not also ignore the idea of thinking forward, perhaps a few months and years from now.
Whether it concerns pursuing further studies, building a stable and enjoyable career, helping our families and our country, or simply planning on having our own family -- it all boils down to that question: WHAT COMES NEXT? I'm afraid I wouldn't want to focus only on my career and neglect the chances of having my own family, or vice-versa. These thoughts were triggered by my former professor who recently texted me to catch up and surprised me by saying, "Let me know when you get married." Now THAT'S a thought I never even bothered thinking about just yet! :))
Of course, that remains a mystery. My priorities remain the same, but I'd love to rehash my future plans as soon as I'm done fulfilling my basic needs. I have yet to reach the next chapter of my life. Heck, I'm just getting started!
It's the pressure we put on ourselves that's the hardest to bear - the pressure to be better than we are, the pressure to be better than we can be. It just builds and builds and builds.
- Grey's S07E08
