On a Murakami Binge

February was such an eventful month for this year, having to take my comprehensive exams for 3 Saturdays and at the same time, meet the requirements for an application of my life. This meant me submitting and completing the required documents and do my best in the interview. After all the studying, reviewing, and working, I finally found time to read and do a reading challenge before I finally start the dream soon.

Since last month, I have read a total of 7 books, 5 of which are from Haruki Murakami. I already read Kafka on the Shore and Norwegian Wood before so I truly wanted more from this author. And true enough, he never disappointed me. I can only say I have become a die-hard fan and a promoter of his books. So far, I have read the following in less than a month:

1. Sputnik Sweetheart
2. The Strange Library (this was the shortest and the simplest among all of his books that I have read)
3. Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki (my favorite together with Kafka on the Shore and Norwegian Wood)
4. The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle (my least favorite of all, contrary to popular belief)
5. South of the Border, West of the Sun

There is something in the way that Murakami writes and creates his stories that makes me yearn for more. I love that despite the seeming loneliness and despair I feel in his books, I can still find myself relating and viewing all his protagonists as someone in search for hope. The magic realism of Murakami might seem confusing at times, but the overall feeling evoked by his books make me long for more feelings to be felt.

There is solace in his books, a profound peace that I truly am grateful for. I missed reading so much that I am glad to have revived a part of me and had this binge for the past few weeks.

Next read: probably After Dark or Hard-Boiled Wonderland and End of the World

2013: Love Literally Conquered All

Once again, a new year is about to begin. Out with 2013, in with 2014. Each year definitely has its ups and downs but 2013 had some gray areas in between. Some were crystal clear, yet some were just too hazy to define. 

It was a year of both the discovered and the undiscovered. 

I'm grateful for a lot about this year, especially with the new challenges and responsibilities given to me at work, the travels and moments with friends and family, the continuing success in my Masters, the gifts I have given and received, and most importantly, the gift of loving and being loved in return. 

There are some wishes that were not fulfilled this year, but it's come to a point where acceptance is the only key to happiness. To accept is not to feel defeated but to just grow in contentment. And the love I gave and I was given was more than enough to handle and overcome anything. Beyond the failures, disappointments, regrets and sadness, love was there. And it was enough.

There is surely that uncertainty come 2014 - a lot of changes here and there but some constants, too. As always, we can choose to either sulk or have hope that it will be a bright year ahead. In the end, things will be certain and it will be perfectly clear.

Life has its own way of knocking us off our feet. Sometimes, we just tend to focus on the bad instead of seeing it in a positive viewpoint but that's step one to success. Get disappointed, feel bad about it but never forget to get up. Never lose hope because at the end of our days, our lives wouldn't matter if we never even knew how to hope. 

So, the waiting continues. In the meantime, I'll be grateful I have this one person I can count to always be there for me, to love and support pour toujours. Je t'aime beaucoup! <3

Despite the gray areas of 2013, let a new book begin with bright-colored pages, ready to be filled with memories of love and gratitude. 

Have a memorable and fantabulous 2014, everyone! Godspeed! 

[sas-g]

Christmas Throwback

Back then, I used to believe in Santa. Well, literally. It has been a conspiracy between my parents and sister or cousins back when I was a kid where I always received presents at an unexpected area at home or just under the tree, with "Santa's note" on it. Those train sets, chocolates and other goodies, even coins and some money in my stocking - these were only a few of the many gifts I received from "Santa" back then.

But as I grew up and became aware of this little conspiracy, things have changed and I can only hope that illusion could have stayed with me for a little longer.

If only Santa were real. Christmas has never been the same. The anticipation, thrill and excitement of checking my stocking every morning to see if there's something in it, and the waiting. Ah, memories.

Now, I get the point why adults before used to say that Christmas is for kids. The joy in giving presents to the kids is indescribable, especially when you see that big smile and glowing eyes of bliss. At times, I would wish for my childhood to be back, but it is with this maturity that I've treasured having a great childhood, which will definitely be passed on to my future children. :)

As we grow older, Christmas does not dwell on the material side anymore. True, it still brings smiles and warmth inside when we receive gifts from others; but there are even better gifts than those goodies. Time, peace, and joy brought by the presence and conversations with our loved ones, and most of all, spreading love to the people who matter. As the priests always say in their homilies, "It is in giving that we receive much more."

'Tis the season to be selfless, and to remember that the reason for this season is a Child who will be born to be selfless for us all. Santa may not be literally real but his image is a symbol of being selfless, sharing and giving to others. 

May we always have our inner Santa spread the cheer and love not only during the holidays but throughout the year. Happy holidays and Merry Christmas to you and your family! ❤

2012: Of Firsts, Risks, and Hopes

It has been my personal tradition to write a year-ender post to look back and be thankful for both the joys and the tears.

I remember posting this to welcome 2012: "Today, you will be afraid to take that leap of faith and you wished you did 2 years ago. But if you will let me, life will unfold itself the way you want it to be. You will reach that destination and take a glimpse of that past when you had that regret, remaining silent while tears fall down your cheeks. For this time, you are speechless and ecstatic at the infinite possibilities that welcome you." This was how I envisioned 2012 telling me, how this year ought to be MY year.

True enough, the year of the Dragon has given me loads of memories that make me so grateful. It has been a year of new experiences, definitely the year that made me so productive both at work and even in my social life. I have gone to 4 concerts, shared more music, taught summer classes, made new relationships, had a great birthday celebration, began my Masters (with perfect results) and many many more. Though there may have been a couple of sad moments, this year reminded me to always remain content with how good life has been for me and my loved ones.

Indeed, life has unfolded the way I wanted it to be this 2012. I have already let go of that one burden I've always held on for years and I'm glad someone saved me from the past. This year has been better with you around that I can only hope for us to make many memories with each other. (Tu sais que c'est toi :)) ❤

My wishes for 2013 are plain and simple: to be blessed with good health, success and more love. May there be new beginnings and even stronger friendships with old friends, all full of hope to reach whatever we desire and aspire.

2012 was great but I know my 2013 will even be better. For this, I thank you, Lord.

Here's to more infinite possibilities this 2013. Have a happy and meaningful new year! ☺

❤, [sas-g]

"One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it's worth watching" -- Unknown

The Road So Far

"Though you don't have a clue, love has found its way to you."  - Unfold (acg ©2012)

I started this year having doubts at so many things - trapped at this crossroad, each path offering infinite possibilities to grow and find myself, knowing I am quite certain there is something that I still haven't found yet. This certainty was all that I needed to allow life to unfold itself before my eyes.

And it did.

January was a Hello to the many successes that I still have yet to discover. Despite having the dilemma of doing even greater things, it was a tough call whether to stay or go, or do something else. To say that this month was eventful will be an understatement. Every single day meant a new goal or challenge, seeing how every chance opened new windows for discovering myself.

February was even better as I both said Hello to the acceptance of a goodbye and Farewell to my frequent dose of so-called inspiration. That one reason for allowing me to let love in was just there but really never here. This is not about letting go, but rather facing the reality of learning to let go as I am off to something even better and concrete. Definitely a challenge that I have now accepted.

Aside from work and love both colliding at the first quarter of 2012, I've also been blessed to share my song in the LIKKAS week, collaborating with a colleague and just enjoying the gift of music. AJ Rafael's concert was also remarkable, especially when it was my first time to watch a concert alone due to changes in schedule. That made it even more memorable! It was a perfect night to contemplate and reminisce what were and what could have been.

Singing "Someday" - an original composition

Singing "Tadhana" by Up Dharma Down with Ryza Martinez

 

And to recall what I wrote in my previous post, I imagine 2012 telling me that "Today, you will be afraid to take that leap of faith and you wished you did 2 years ago. But if you will let me, life will unfold itself the way you want it to be. You will reach that destination and take a glimpse of that past when you had that regret, remaining silent while tears fall down your cheeks. For this time, you are speechless and ecstatic at the infinite possibilities that welcome you."  I must admit, teaching was not one of my so-called dreams back then but now that I've immersed myself in this realm, I come to find solace in it as I continuously learn not just from the experience itself but also from those casual conversations with my students who made me even more patient than before.  Life has slowly unfolded and showed me that there are so many things out there waiting to be known. There are so many wishes waiting to be granted, if only I let them. As such, this year will be intended for more discernment hoping I'll reach that destination real soon. Hoping that as 2012 progresses, I'll be in awe of what I feel and be grateful that I have found what I truly love.

The real struggle of finding one's love never ends. It never is enough to just settle for knowing and accepting. The matter itself requires a constant battle to strive and give more reasons why it's best to allow oneself to be vulnerable, waiting for the moment of truth not realizing it has been there all along.

It was a great start, 2012. Keep surprising me with good memories. :)

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Addendum: Whitney Houston's passing was really saddening for me. Her songs will forever be remembered together with the many memories that have become one with them. RIP, Whitney. :(

Risk is the Road to Reason

"Today, you will be afraid to take that leap of faith and you wished you did 2 years ago. But if you will let me, life will unfold itself the way you want it to be. You will reach that destination and take a glimpse of that past when you had that regret, remaining silent while tears fall down your cheeks. For this time, you are speechless and ecstatic at the infinite possibilities that welcome you." - 2012

For me, 2011 was a year of eccentricities, surprises and risks. I made a wish in 2010 and it was surely granted in the second quarter of the year. I found myself venturing into that uncertainty without looking back. Surely a bold move, but with that risk came a wonderfully unexpected reward - that which I will always treasure. 

Just like any year, it also had its ups and downs. From having dilemmas here and there, reunions and dates with friends,  and literally defying gravity, how can I forget 2011? But that bad fall resulted to a pinched nerve or to be more technical, L5 radiculopathy. I have had back pains for months but thankfully, therapy does wonders although I may still have clicking joints at the back. I could only wish this fall has something good to offer me, apart from the so-called lessons that it brings.

I found myself growing and becoming more mature this 2011. There have been so many firsts this year, God knows I have overworked myself. In fact, too much work made me question my social life, and that one important thing I have yet to clear up. If there is something to be learned this 2011, I guess it would be this:

"Be clear, and make IT clear."

The eccentric part is when things suddenly seem so vague, courage just can't be found.  While it is true that "love rewards the brave", doubt continues to cloud judgment. Honestly, how much is too much? How often does one have to give that someone the benefit of the doubt? How long must one have to wait?

http://moderndesignlife.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/loverewardsthebrave.jpg

So, 2011 may have given endless opportunities yet it was unable to supply the answers  I badly needed. Or maybe, it's just a matter of balance. That even if the questions haven't been answered [yet], time allows one to fuel that passion to prepare oneself for a new moment of letting one's guard down.

But really, I am still hopeful that everything will be - as it must and should be. I sound teleological but this only happens when clarity isn't within reach, especially when the odds are against having a reasonable explanation for it. After all, why must one seek for answers and explanation when it does not have to be answered and explained? This state of uncertainty proves that there is something more than the mind and deeper than myself. There is love.

As a graduate of the natural sciences, I may have been too engrossed in the idea of seeking for answers but do I really need to now? Is that all there is for us? I guess not. Yes, the absurdity that happened in 2011 will always remain unanswered - even in 2012 or until 2015. I just have to trust and for the first time, rely on that faith.

"Take that leap and endure the pain if you have to. I tell you,  faith will make the answers realizable and the reasons knowable, giving you the clarity you have always wanted."  - Risk

Have a crazy and fulfilling 2012! :)

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 “It's not because things are difficult that we dare not venture. It's because we dare not venture that they are difficult.” - Seneca